Through the eyes of a child.

THROUGH THE EYES (AND MOUTH) OF A CHILD

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and
waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard
my five-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"

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On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note
from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

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A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of
the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-
year old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy,"
the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to
the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the
women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?"

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It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you
got back there?" he asked. "It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

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While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my
afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a
glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it
always gives you a headache next morning."

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While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister
heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.

Apparently, his five-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead
robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had
secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son
was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity
intoned his version of what he thought his father always said:
"Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn.....
and into the hole he gooooes."

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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just
wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't
write and they won't let me talk!"

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A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated
as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell
out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he
saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear"?
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I
think it's Adam's underwear."

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