Some jokes from Clint

JOKE - A MEDICAL DICTIONARY!

Artery.......................... The study of paintings
Bacteria........................ Back door to cafeteria
Barium......................... What doctors do when patients die
enign.......................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section........ A neighbourhood in Rome
Catscan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize...................... Made eye contact with her
Colic............................ A sheep dog
Coma.......................... A punctuation mark
Dilate........................... To live long
Enema......................... Not a friend
Fester......................... Quicker than someone else
Fibula......................... A small lie
Impotent..................... Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain................ Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff.............. A Doctor's cane
Morbid....................... A higher offer
Nitrates....................... Cheaper than day rates
Node.......................... I knew it
Outpatient.................. A person who has fainted
Pelvis......................... Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative........... A letter carrier
Recovery Room......... Place to do upholstery
Rectum...................... Nearly killed him
Secretion................... Hiding something
Seizure....................... Roman emperor
Tablet........................ A small table
Terminal Illness.......... Getting sick at the airport
Tumour..................... One plus one more
Urine......................... Opposite of you're out. Mr. Green

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MOTHERS FROM HISTORY

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S MOTHER: "All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me."

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER: "Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

MARY'S MOTHER: "I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you."

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER: "But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? OY! Styling gel, mousse, something...?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER: "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed!"

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew."
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The Lawyer

A very successful lawyer was parking his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was
close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights
flashing, but, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterical ly about how his Lexus, which he had
just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said.
"You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life."

"How can you say such a thing"? asked the lawyer.

The cop replied,

"Don't you even realize that your left arm is
missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!"

"Oh, my god," screamed the lawyer!

"My Rolex!"

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