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Help with teen
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sunflower
On The Way Up
Joined: 28 Aug 2006
Location: buffalo,ny
Posts: 54
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| Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 4:48 am Post subject: Help with teen |
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I am a step mom... and pretty much dad and i are on the same page but with some topics we don't always have the reasons "why" she cant do something.
shes 14 does not live with us..
She tries to get the reasons i think so she can find a way out to get her way...
i don't know..
We have reasons we don't want her home alone .. when we are gone from home for a few hours or more.
Same with computer use she has one she uses in our basement that is having issues and wants to use our dad aid no thats our policy here..
He feels we have stuff on there she doesn't need to see...she even said she she babysits she snoops around the houses etc too...
anyone have advice on these areas or step moms dealing with this.
she is only the computer too much as it is but i hear
thats the thing to do...so any advice on rules and boundries and "why do parents need to explain"
would be great ... this whole step parenting thing is a real challenge!
thanks a bunch sunflower
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sunflower
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zuzu's petals
Silly Old Bat
Joined: 19 Oct 2006
Location: Coastal N.Carolina ~zone 8~ (Map)
Posts: 2571
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| Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 5:24 am Post subject: |
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I sure feel for you Sunflower, it sounds like a tough situation.
I think that feeling like you have to justify your reasons for parental deciions
to the satisfaction of a teenager must feel like a no-win situation.
I know that when I grew up, the only answer I ever got
to "Why?" or "Why not?" was "Because I said so."
Youngsters do not seem to be able to accept that answer anymore.
I'm not sure that my opinion will be helpful, but
it seems to me that consistency is all important in parenting.
Kids are very bright, and if they realize that enough resistance will get them their way,
even 10 or 20 percent of the time, they'll figure it's worth the odds to push.
After all, who wouldn't buy lottery tickets if they knew they'd win that often?
Anyway, I definitely agree with you about keeping to your computer privacy rules,
particularly when there is personal information involved.
Wish I had more helpful answers. Hang in there.
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 ~*~ zuzu ~*~
I put a lot of myself into my garden.
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glendann
Official Garden Angel
Joined: 19 May 2006
Location: Texas (Map)
Posts: 6182
PlantStew: 182 |
| Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 6:46 am Post subject: |
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Sunflower,The computer is one of the most useful and dangerous tools of now days for a 14 yr old girl or boy.You need it where you can supervise her upstairs and watch where her web sites tend to go If she wonders why. You and her go visit www.perverted-justice.com this is the web site they use to catch sex preditors on the tv show Dateline NBC. If your computer has a parental control on it use it.
When staying by herself its just not
the same as it once was.You have know way of knowing what kind of nuts are
watching from a distance.I was never afraid when I was growing up and kids
today always have in their mine that happens to other people not them.
I agree with Zuzu about consistancey .Stay strong and don't let her wear you down.
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Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised.
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reggaefan
Official Poet Laureate
Joined: 24 Aug 2006
Location: Zone 8b Louisiana (Map)
Posts: 2520
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| Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 11:50 am Post subject: |
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Feel for you SUnflower I am almost 60 yrs old and have a 14 yr old daughter, might as well be an alien from Mars. She hates me know as I am the bad cop and Sharon is the good cop. After the hormones settle about 30 years from now she will understand until then I have no good advice for you except to love her.
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Richard
"We have met the enemy,and it is us." POGO
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dooley
Official Garden Turtle
Joined: 03 Jul 2005
Location: Arizona, U.S.A (Map)
Posts: 3145
PlantStew: 2 |
| Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 8:57 pm Post subject: |
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Can your computer be set up so each user has to get on by using a password? Then you and she could both use the same computer by signing in with your password. Unless she knows how to hack into your account. You would also have to remember to sign out each time when she is there.
Having her use your computer might also limit the time she can spend on it as you could have a rule that states you or her dad have first chance at using it. A time limit is also useful and if she doesn't abide by the time limit computers can be set to automatically shut down after a certain amount of time. If you don't know computers you might find a computer"geek" in your community that can set that up for you. Our small town has one that has very reasonable charges for doing things like that.
Children always push the limits and if you let them do it you lose control. Our kids had time limits when they went out. If they were going to be longer, they had to call home. Just once when they didn't call, we went after them and brought them home. They didn't "forget" to call after that. Embarassment in front of their friends is a useful tool if you don't go too far with it. Dooley
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eileen
Moderator & Resident Taxonomist
 Moderator
Joined: 07 Feb 2005
Location: Scotland (Map)
Posts: 10505
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| Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 12:29 am Post subject: |
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Everything Dooley and the others have said sounds like very good advice to me Sunflower.
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