Texans Don't Brag

Category: Serendipity | Posted: Fri Jun 01, 2012 8:03 pm

Texans have an undeserved reputation for bragging. Folks that have never visited Texas and seen its glories probably started this character defamation. As an adopted Texan, I feel the need to set things straight (or straht, as we say here).

Yes, our grasshoppers are big. There is a booming business in grasshopper saddles--makes riding a 'hopper around all day easier on the nether regions rather than riding bareback. Grasshoppers are particularly adept at herding because they can jump over the entire herd and go after a stray.

We do have rain. Our part of Texas gets about 32" yearly, and I distinctly remember the night it fell.

Texans have a long and proud tradition of serving in the Armed Forces. They have special training for Texans who enter the Infantry. Texans have to be trained to shoot low. They are so tall that they consistently shoot about two and a half feet over the enemys' heads.

Texas used to be a much smaller state. Then one night we got our yearly rainfall and the whole state got washed out flat and became much larger.

Texas has one natural lake, Caddo, and one natural pond, the Gulf of Mexico.

Longhorn cattle are prized for the spread of their horns. One local breeder has specially built cattle trailers for his longhorns. When he transports them he has a lead vehicle and a follow vehicle, and a big sign on both--Caution: Extra-wide Load.

Tyler Texas hosted the Big Foot conference last year. There was no conference this year. Big Foot refused to return to a state where his feet were just considered normal size.

So there you have it. As we say in Texas, "no brag, just fact".

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