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Emotions

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Category: Artic Living | Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:42 pm

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In the past day i have run thru every emotion i think known to mankind. This blog today is probably not for everyone, but right now, its for me. Its a very emotional blog, of my day that has left me in shreds with my heart bleeding wide open, and not sure at the moment it can heal right. Its something i have to get out of my system or i am going to bottle it up an that won't be good. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, infact i hope i don't disappoint or unintentionally bring back feelings for anyone. Go back to what ever now.

I got a call today from my dearest an best friend here in Norway, the first friend i made while here. My garden buddy. My female confidant. My best friend. She called to tell, why she hasn't been in touch for a month now and hasn't answered her phone. Her daughter was found dead. Her beautiful daughter, that even now as i write this i can barely see thru the tears. She hung herself. She was my age. She was also a dear friend.

When i found out i ofcourse am in shock. I had to get out. I went for a walk, and cried. I ended up down on the field, how i don't remember, but i screamed and screamed. And cried some more. I went in to the sauna, and just sat there. My pain is for a mother. A mother who lost their child. My pain is for my friend who i couldn't be there when she may have needed me most. My pain is that i have the need to comfort her. But most of all, my pain is that i have no closure to a dear friend. How selfish i am. me me me...

I have tried to post on the board, but i end up either leaving or staring at what i hope i am writing is intellegent at the moment. I can't think, i'm sad, i'm hurt, i'm angry, and lost. I'm sick at heart, and still lost at the moment. But,,,,I know i will be okay with time. Right now,,I hurt.

Eva, jeg elsker deg. Takk for alt.


This blog entry has been viewed 133 times

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Droopy wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 5:54 pm:

Oh, my! *hug* When people choose to leave us, they also leave us with so many unanswered questions. The only thing you can be sure of, is that your friend hurt so much that death was preferable to life, and you probably couldn't have done anything to change her mind once it was made up.

I feel for her mother, and for you.

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Frank wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:34 pm:

So sorry to hear this Biita :( Accept a big hug from me. Hope writing this helped.

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dooley wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 7:49 pm:

You are doing the right thing, Biita. Get the feelings out in the air. Holding them in would make you sick. You cannot tell what your friend's daughter was thinking, only that she found it unbearable. You will find strength over the coming days to overcome these feelings you are having now. Think of your friends during the happier periods that you have known and remember the good times. It's good that you wrote to your other friends who will share your grief and sorrow. dooley

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kaseylib wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 8:06 pm:

It's so difficult sometimes to understand why some people give up on life. Our friends lost a son to suicide. He was a teenager at the time and had so much to live for. It was a tragic, awful time for them, and I know they never completely got over the pain and guilt they felt.

Please don't hesitate to call a suicide help line...they will be able to help you and your friend deal with the grief and pain that you're both feeling now.

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kuntrygal wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:31 pm:

God be with you Biita.

{{{{Hugs}}}
Gaylyn

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eileen wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:51 pm:

Biita there is nothing I can do or say that will help you through your grief but I am always here if you want to PM me. My thoughts are with you and your dear friend at this tragic time.

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CritterPainter wrote on Mon Feb 18, 2008 9:54 pm:

Sometimes there aren't enough letters on the keyboard. Please accept my very sincere sorrow for what has happened, and prayers for you.

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Sjoerd wrote on Tue Feb 19, 2008 12:12 am:

You dear woman. What a painful thing to happen in your life. Painful for your friend and her family-- and for you.
I wish you great strength in dealing with this unhappiness now, but don't you forget that I ...and we on here who know you to some degree feel compassion for you and offer what sympathy and consolement we can. Talking through it is only a PM away, if it would help.
My best wishes for you...

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Palm Tree wrote on Tue Feb 19, 2008 1:12 pm:

Oh Dear - please allow me to give you a hug. It takes a lot to drive one to the point of committing suicide. And the worst part is to be the one left behind. I pray that you, your friend and her family will be strong in this time of need.

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Netty wrote on Tue Feb 19, 2008 7:18 pm:

Sending big hugs Biita
((((hugs))))
I'm speechless

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Biita wrote on Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:47 am:

Thank you. I'm working on gettin my head together after this shock. I'm better. Functioning a whole lot better anyways. I didn't expect anyone to respond to this but thank you for caring. ((((hugs to all)))

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