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WHAT IF YOU JUST DO THE WHOLE PLACE IN KHAKI?

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Category: gardens and old home renovation | Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 4:36 pm

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As fall has huffed and puffed by, I found myself in deepening meditation as to how I can achieve Nirvana at my Far East (North Carolina) antebellum temple known as Melrose. To achieve that sublime state, I began by asking the fellow who works on Melrose- known here as DH- to take all of the wallpaper off of all the walls in all of the rooms of the house. In other words, I wanted the stuff off, down and out.

The wallpaper in Melrose was early 1960s. Possibly earlier. Possibly it came over with Miles Standish. No one knows. But, it was old, ugly, tattered and stained. No amount of nymphs cavorting across Arcadian vistas can counter balance that which is hideous. Other than that, I had no ill feeling toward it.

My fall-ish meditations have also brought me to consider what might replace the paper that by now has taken its rightful place in the local landfill. Central to those meditations has the fact that I have a peculiar aversion to wallpaper. It certainly is not because I dislike all wallpaper. I don’t dislike all wallpaper. There are many wallpapers that I have seen and liked, and I feel certain that in the name of diversity I could learn to like even more if time and circumstance were right. My problem with wallpaper, and I blush to admit this, is that I fear it. All right, I’ve admitted it. I’ve outted myself. But, I have been through analysis for years to learn the underlying reason for my fear of wallpaper, and I think I know the reason.

It might be universal or it might just be a guy thing, but I find my fear of wallpaper is three fold. First, it is bloody expensive. Oh sure, you can get inexpensive wallpaper, but wallpaper is a bit like diamonds- if you’re going to get one, you might as well get one of quality. Using that cockamamie reasoning, just wallpapering a bedroom using the talents of someone who really knows what they are doing with wallpaper can set you back a bundle. I’ve seen the work of rank amateurs who put up wallpaper. I did it many years ago and the sight is still enough to cause vertigo. Good wallpapers deserve good wallpaperers. Kinda like good wine deserves elegant crystal. Not paper cups.

Then, there is the issue of wallpaper and it being more or less permanent. Once you spend a small fortune to wallpaper a room-- well, there you are- stuck with it, if not forever, at least for a long enough time that it feels like forever. Suppose I papered a room in elegant and expensive wallpaper. Elegant? Me? Not likely, but let’s pretend. And, further suppose that within two years it has come to look like a wall of invading kudzu. So, I decide that I want something different. In that event, God have mercy on my poor blighted soul. Poor snook that I am, I would awaken at 3 a.m., my cat slobbering on my chin, to the realization that I am dissatisfied with wallpaper that cost more than the silk and leather wallpaper at Versailles. Lacking the resources of the Sun King, my only escape would be to drop the whole idea, let the kudzu invade and plan on having the wallpaper in perpetuity.


While my neurosis about wallpaper starts with its cost, and goes through its long life span, it ends with the whole subject of color. I like color. I really do. My skin is more or less pinkish. My hair is brown (kinda, sorta), with a soupcon, perhaps even a dollop of gray. And I am not, despite rumors to the contrary, color blind. I just have no talent at mixing and matching colors.

My point can perhaps best be made by an intimate admission about my wardrobe. The individual who invented the color khaki should be enshrined in the Pantheon of mankind’s greatest benefactors. Khaki goes with everything, without exception- well, perhaps not with fuchsia, but everything else. Positively! Halleluiah. Huzza, huzza.

Khaki was made for me; hence my subscribing to my own theory that every man’s wardrobe should consist of a nearly infinite number of khaki pants The man who has khaki pants wants for nothing. Everything, but everything goes with khaki. So, today I have on khaki pants and, freed by that, I boldly put on a blue shirt. I know its blue, and I love it for being blue. But more importantly, I know it goes with my pants. Had I put on blue or gray pants, I would have agonized over the choice of shirt color, ultimately choosing a white shirt because white, like khaki, goes with everything. Having chosen khaki pants, however, I am assured that I can go off to work in a blue shirt without looking like Clarabelle. And if I choose to wear blue socks, even if I have chosen blue socks that do not match my blue shirt, there is this vast expanse of khaki pants separating the shirt from the offending socks. No one will notice if I have broken age-old social codes. Why? Khaki- that’s why! God bless it, everyone.

But back to wallpaper. What does khaki have to do with Melrose and wallpaper? Truthfully, nothing. My wandering into khaki land merely allowed me to espouse a long held theory about men’s clothing and to give thanks to Mr. .Mc Khaki, or whatever his name was.

Still, there is the question of what I now will replace the wallpaper with. Since I have gone on and on concerning the dark side of wall paper and the salvation offered to males by khaki, I will address the question of “what next?” during my next visit.



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CritterPainter wrote on Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:35 pm:

ROFL! What a great post!
I would totally go with the khaki. Melrose is a classy ol' gal. Paint all the downstairs rooms khaki, then you can more clearly see what you want to do. Got a library in there? Accent the khaki with deep blues or forest greens. Add splashes of red to bring it to life.
Got a sunny room in there? Accent the khaki with pure white on all the trim. A softer blue would be good here for an accent.
The entryway can take something more bold, so go with a deep, regal red and dark brown accents.
See? Khaki=classy=Melrose!
BTW, my DH is a khaki guy too, when he isn't in bluejeans (needed for work) so I've been working these color combos for 21 years!
Oh, and a combination of mostly-khaki with black and white accents is fantastic too, especially if punched up with navy blue accessories!

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CritterPainter wrote on Tue Dec 11, 2007 6:38 pm:

Oh, and upholstering with navy-and-cream stripes looks SO awesome against khaki. Hmm, I think I feel a new Christmas tie coming on...

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eileen wrote on Tue Dec 11, 2007 11:28 pm:

"My point can perhaps best be made by an intimate admission about my wardrobe. The individual who invented the color khaki should be enshrined in the Pantheon of mankind’s greatest benefactors. Khaki goes with everything, without exception- well, perhaps not with fuchsia, but everything else. Positively! Halleluiah. Huzza, huzza."

You sound just like my daughter Southerncurrents!!!!! LOL She loves Khaki and would wear it to work if she could. When her Khaki clothes get too worn then she simply uses them for working on her car or decorating. From the paint splashes on them I think she's definately agree that khaki goes will go with absolutely everything - even oil stains!!! LOL

I think CritterPainter's suggstions are terrific and can't fault them. Sooooo - go for it and celebrate khaki and it's inventor. Do show us piccies of the newly painted rooms won't you when they're finished?

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Netty wrote on Wed Dec 12, 2007 8:38 pm:

You CAN'T go wrong with Khaki! LOL I hate wall paper too.

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GiGi wrote on Thu Dec 13, 2007 10:42 pm:

Hi, I just read your Khaki comments and laughed through the whole message. Love your sense of humor. My granddaughter just turned two. We took her to the coast a couple of months, ago and I held up two pair of short pants and asked her which one she wanted to wear. She said khaki! Obviously, we're never to young to learn about khaki!

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