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marlingardener's Blog

Farm living and laughing


Southern Living

Category: Serendipity | Posted: Sun Sep 21, 2014 3:13 pm

We received an offer to subscribe to up to four magazines for two dollars a year. The only magazine I thought I'd be interested in was Southern Living. After all, I'm alive and in the south.
I'm not sure who lives like the folks in that magazine, but I am sure I don't know them. For example, in this issue there is an article "How to Style Your Coffee Table" with a picture of a coffee table with a tray holding two books, a Cloisonné pitcher, and a bouquet of roses. There is also a pair of twist-stem gold candlesticks, a stack of books with a "decorative object" on top to give "a polished touch." There is also a bowl of nuts. Our coffee table has a book on it, and plenty of room to prop up your feet while reading. I guess my fuzzy slippers could be considered "decorative objects."
Holiday How-to suggests stenciling leaf shapes on bags from a craft store (it seems the brown lunch bags from the grocery are a no-no). After you spend most of your afternoon stenciling the shapes on the bags, you are to carefully cut out the shapes. Place a white bag inside a dark bag, put sand in the bottom for stability, and put a candle in each bag. Our Texas wind would take those bags and sail them into the nearest field, where they would start a grass fire and the local fire department would not believe an explanation that involved leaf stencils and craft store bags and candles.
Then the Southwest Insider section has the great news that Lucchese boots, the ultimate in hand-crafted luxury cowboy boots (and no, that is not an oxymoron) now has a line of stiletto high heels for ladies, starting at somewhere around $595. I don't know of anyone who would pay nearly $600 for a pair of shoes. In fact, I don't know anyone who wears stiletto heels!
I gave up on living the southern way when I saw what was done to a home's entry way to "decorate for fall." All you need is a magnolia leaf garland, heirloom pumpkins, a pinecone wreath, bittersweet, and cabbage. Yep, cabbage! According to the decorator, one drapes the garland around the entrance, hangs the wreath on the door, and artistically arranges the pumpkins (heirloom, remember?) and cabbages on the steps. By the time a guest fights his way through the foliage and trips over a cabbage and lands on an heirloom pumpkin, the magic has gone out of your decorating efforts.
I did like the decorations for the bar area at a party—wine, gin, vodka, several types of whiskey (party must have been in Kentucky) and cheese and crackers. The crackers were served on a plate balanced on a pumpkin (presumably heirloom) and there was a weedy looking bouquet but after sampling the bar offerings, probably no one would care.
So, here on the farm we are not garlanded, stenciled or growing heirloom pumpkins. I'm afraid stiletto heels would make deep marks in the chicken coop and I wouldn't want the ladies to trip on a Lucchese shoe's hole.
Think I'll go prop my feet up on our coffee table and read a book.


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