*The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient. *My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I'm pretty sure she was hitting on me. *My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I'm worried about the 175 lbs I've gained since then. *I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out?" *The speed with which a woman says "nothing", when asked "What's wrong?”, is inversely proportional to the severity of the tsunami that's coming. *Denny's has a slogan, 'If it's your birthday, the meal is on us.' If you're in Denny's and it's your birthday ... your life stinks! *The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something. *I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos. *Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch! *The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet is because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara, and of course, Opie -- all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.
