I love my husband, but he does have one bad habit. He tends to disappear just as I'm putting a meal on the table. It's frustrating to see a meal slowly cooling while I hunt him up. He will even ask how long before dinner, and if I say 15 minutes, at 14 minutes he's heading to the workshop, or barn, or getting on the computer. Tell me I'm not alone--tell me you have the same problem--tell me there is a cure!
When he is hungry he will come wandering in asking what there is to eat, at that time point to the cold food on the table. If he complains about it being cold, point to the microwave. You could get him to install a buzzer system of some sort in the workshop, barn and next to the computer that you could use as a reminder that the meal is ready. Randy came into this marriage accustomed to a Mom who made him breakfast and supper during the week and three meals a day on the weekends. I grew up with a Mom who made us breakfast on school mornings and supper every night but on the weekends breakfast and lunch were 'fix it yourself'. The first few weekends he came in asking what I was making for lunch, I had to remind him that I married him 'for better or for worse' but NOT for breakfast or lunch. You could use this example as a warning of what his eating schedule could be like and a reminder of how lucky he is. When his Dad retired from working, his Mom retired from making three meals a day. I think his Dad did pretty much the same as Walt, he was always tinkering with a vehicle or out in the shed and she got tired of cold food. For the last few years they each make their own breakfast and lunch and he makes supper.
Jane... no help here. Eventually I say " LETS EAT!" whoever is not at the table in a reasonable amount of time can eat what is left or cold. I just had that same thing happen earlier this week. Kyle got home from work, I had dinner on the table pretty much. As I was setting the last item on my dh went down the steps. Adrian and I sat there for 15 minutes watching some show called "American Rednecks?" or some such thing Adrian found to watch and finally K came back up and said "why didn't you call me?" (really? I was putting it on the table...what makes you think it is going to be long to start eating...? was my thought.) I just quietly rolled my eyes as I was turned away from him. He was in a funky mood that day....
I used to have a real problem getting my hubby to come to the table when his meals were ready. There was always something he had to finish up before eating. Well I sorted that problem out and it was much easier than I thought. One breakfast time I called him for his tea and toast and, as usual, he was taking his time about coming to eat. I gave his breakfast to the dog and warned him I'd do the same with every meal unless he sat down to eat when I called. He's never late now but the dog is packing his bags as he's sure he's being neglected and is wasting away through malnutrition.
Dinner bell? Perhaps they are no longer making the famous triangle that was the staple of western abodes calling people to dinner? A trip to a blacksmith and some heating and banging might prove useful. East of the Mississippi we have ships bells rescued from sinking ships that announces dinner is on the table. Aquired on a trip to Nova Scotia this bell has announced many dinners. Its message, if ignored by the gardener, resulted in hunger and starvation. There are no skeletons in the back yard, for it has never rung twice. ( photo / image / picture from Jerry Sullivan's Garden ) Jerry
Jane, You certainly are not alone on this. I announce a meal is ready one time. And sometimes I eat alone. It's really hard to eat when your gritting your teeth.
I have the same problem here...I would call and call and call Hubby out in the garage to eat with us. Rather than eat OURS cold too, the kids and I would eat and put his plate in the microwave. Now we don't bother calling, we just put it in the microwave. He eats when he's done whatever it is he's working on out there, but I can't even remember the last time he ate with the rest of the family.
Jerry, we have a triangle, but it's by the front door. I may move it to the patio, but that won't help when he's on the computer. Perhaps if I pull a circuit breaker? Donna, eating while gritting must be difficult. Soup, anyone?
Does he carry a cell phone? If so, call him. Otherwise go ahead and eat your meal while it is hot...and don't re-heat it for him.
When DH does that ---I go a head and eat. Tell-cover thing in microwave. After 44 year---but is a man thing
OK, I think everybody here is overlooking the guy's point of view... So in the interest of creating better understanding - Allow me to explain the guy's mindset: First of all, and this is true for at least 95% of homosapian males (as in apes which walk upright) - We really start to get serious mental depression, if we are: A - Ordered to be punctual for a meal. B - Ordered to sit at a traditional dinner table, (where people are expected to extend their pinkies as they drink from their cups, at the same time participate in snooty conversations). C - Ordered and/or expected to not talk while there is food in our mouths. D - Frowned upon when be burp like a hippopotamus. E - Expected to lie about the quality of food, like saying that it was fabulous, while in reality it must be the most horrible thing we have ever tasted. So if men are expected to follow all these rules, then for us it's exactly like being in prison. And thus it is safe to assume that as a result, at least there will be low level dissidence, disharmony, and general discontentment. And at worse there can be a very daring outright jailbreak! Examples: My own (personal favorite) type of low level disobedience, from childhood, by which I trained my own mother and elder sister. Is to show up promptly when called, but take your own plate away with you. When they shout; where are you going? You simply say; I'm studying... Hehehehehe... Checkmate! As they now couldn't order me to quit studying! Women are really very good at issuing way too many orders (specially at those who are younger to them) - So the easiest and smartest way to short circuit their idea of how things in the home should be. Is to simply find 2 or 3 different rules, and play them in opposition! Thus creating a headache for them which will last for weeks!!! For kids, studying is a good excuse to defeat the "sit together at dinner time" rule. But for adults, I suggest doing something that is essential, and at the same time it should be something that women can't do very well - Like balancing the checkbooks! And high level type of disobedience (also tried, tested, and proven by myself), is that when they come to call you, saying that dinner is ready - You (with a devilish smile) say; I'm sorry, but I already eat... Then point at your empty plates as proof! When they argue; Why didn't you tell me this before? You say; I did say that I was sorry. How is it my fault if you are too slow? I was hungry, so I did what I had to do... Hehehehehehe... Game, set, and match! Women actually think and behave according to very rigorous rules, which they try to follow rigidly, (in the hope that it will be best for everyone, exactly like in a military boot camp) - But actually their mindset is made of glass, and thus is just as easy to shatter. Provided of course you know exactly where and how to strike! It does however take some time to learn. But after you've mastered this art of mental games, you (as a guy) will have the upper hand eventually! Anyway, over time this sort of behavior from me trained everybody in my home to leave me alone. So I could make my own food, at my own chosen time, and according to my own taste palette! Suggestion for the ladies: So ladies, if you really want your guys to show up promptly for a meal - You better get rid of the dinner table altogether. And remodel the dinning room into something that either looks like a fast food joint, or a roadside diner - The type where only truckers and biker gang folk go to eat. Or at least make it resemble something like an airport cafeteria. Otherwise there is very little chance of a guy showing up when called... Now a message to the guys over here: Not showing up for dinner, is a sign of defiance, as well as disrespect. In majority of cases it may be justified, specially if you have a dominating mom, or an equality terrible elder relative. In my own case, I didn't have a dominating mom, well no more so then any other boy of my age. However I (by such methods) established mental boundaries. As part of their conditioning, so that no line is ever crossed. Or if it is, then there will always be a price to pay... The feminine brain really responds very well to this "electrified fence" concept! So they will quickly start to adjust according to your wishes. They may of course like to pretend that they are actually letting you have your way. But this is because their subconscious will not allow them to admit the shame of defeat - So this is where (for the sake of harmony), you too should let them have their token victory. Let them think that they are letting you have your way, (while in reality you'll always be the stage manager)... But mothers, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers are all creatures you are stuck with, (because you were born in that household)! However when married to someone, all this defiance must go immediately. As you marry someone you both love and respect. Otherwise why get married? Must of all, please realize that a wife is not a relative you got stuck with. But is someone you chose to be with. And so on that account, show her some respect. Start by having dinner with her on time - But I suggest going a step further, by occasionally making dinner for her too. Really, all this issue of not showing up for dinner is a remnant of the past. A sign or symptom of childhood defiance. So as adults, specially as married men - I think it's best that this sort of a mindset now be retired from being our default form of behavior. We have had our battles, and exactly like me I'm sure you guys too must have won most of them in a decisive way! So let's call it a day now - As doing it now will be aiming it at the wrong person... Seriously dudes, we can't stay 15 years old for the rest of our lives. So it's high time we all grew up. PS Also (for a while at least) quit watching re-runs of the actions movies made in the 80s. Specially those staring Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Jean Claude Van Damme. As those often are the root cause of ingraining this type of attitude. NOT at all saying that us guys should now only start watching Mister Rogers Neighborhood again. Just urging to try and attain some sort of a balance...
S-H, I can't agree or disagree with you as I'm a wife/mother. Also I have the opposite problem that Marling has. Mike, probably because of years of working, eats at 7:00 am, noon, snack at 4:30 and dinner at 7:00 pm and does not appreciated much variation. I am lucky though as he is very easy going and, if I'm busy, he fixes his own breakfast and lunch and I always cook dinner...served at 7:00!
