If you're feeling blue these should help!!

Pregnancy Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes university.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural? A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "divorce" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's nappy very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in university.

"OESTROGEN ISSUES"
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "OESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your mobile phone to dial up every car sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 0800- ".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
8 You can't believe they don't make a tampon bigger than Super Plus.
9 You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

THE JOY OF AGING



Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very

elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she
replied.
'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She
responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?



_____ ____________________________

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is

the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply
replied,
'No peer pressure.'

-_______________________________

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs
.
__________________________________________________________

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip repl
acement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes; I'm half blind, can't

hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications

that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with

dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends but, thank
God,
I still have my driver's license.

_______________________________

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to
take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and

down, and perspired for an hour. By the time I got my leotards on, the

class was over.

_______________________________

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she

had two final requests. First, she wa nted to be cremated, and second,

she wanted her ashes scattered over Target. 'Target?' the preacher

exclaimed. 'Why Target?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me
twice a
week '

____________________________________________________________

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my

memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

_______________________________

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

_______________________________

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

______________________________

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast

relief.'

______________________________

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old

because you stop laughing.

________________________________

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I

never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the
eyesight to tell the difference.

______________________________________________________________

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10
others.
Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who
they
are! Oh and I've just found an Easter Egg!!!!