My ex daughter-in-law has passed away.

My friend, the mother of my grandchildren, my ex daughter in law...Rachel passed away unexpectedly on Saturday.

I’m still in shock. Those poor, bereft children. Their stepdad Jon who they loved committed suicide two years ago. Now their mother!

We don’t know yet what happened. She was found unresponsive. There will be an autopsy.

My grandchildren Lorelei and Karleigh and my "adopted" grandchild Ella (Rachel and Jon’s biological daughter) spent the first 24 hours with me. We had planned a Christmas get together with them Saturday with Grayson (their Dad, who remember is a recovering addict..three years clean now and working so hard to get his life back together!) and their uncles and aunts and cousins, and at first I cancelled it but then Lorelei and Karleigh just really wanted to be with us, and Candy, their other grandmother/Rachel's mother is devastated and needed some time, so I offered to have everyone over and give them as much normal as we could, so they spent the night and we had our Christmas celebration with all my side of the family, and everyone was amazing.

Thank god for the family, who pulled together in spite of their own grief and made a wonderful Christmas celebration for all the girls. Grayson has been magnificent ... 100 % there for all the girls, even Ella who took to him immediately. He made them laugh, he hugged them, listened, brought them out of themselves when they needed to refocus...I was able to share what felt like an enormous emotional burden as I tried to be there for them the girls as well as Candy and her other daughters too, who completely fell apart.

The girls were piled up on the living room couches watching tv well into the night. They get to do, and have, whatever they want right now. I slept in the recliner most of the night, trying not to hover, but wanting to be close.

I don’t know what the coming days will bring. We are all reeling. This is an unimaginable, devastating loss.

 

Oh dear. I don't know what to say. I am very glad the girls have you and your good sense and innate warmth & compassion. I wish you and the girls and your whole family well in the days/months/years ahead.

 

Warm and affectionate condolences, Ronni.
My thoughts will be with you during these tough days.
-----Once a mate, always a mate.

 

Condolences on your loss Ronni. Absolutely terrible and can't imagine the pain the children must be feeling (and you too).

 

Thanks all. Visitation at noon, services at 3.00 tomorrow. The autopsy was inconclusive so we're waiting on the toxicology report, which will take several weeks, to see if that sheds any further light onto what happened. Won't change the outcome but it might bring her Mom, her family, some closure.

The girls are settling in at Candy's house (Rachel's Mom) This is a huge change for them. They've not only lost their Mom, but everything that was familiar to them...where they used to live, their school, their friends there...all that has to change now because they have nowhere else to be but at Candy's house, and she lives on the other side of town from their old apartment. She has a lovely home with lots of room, and will provide a safe environment for them. They went shopping for bunk beds and some other furniture yesterday. Grayson and I are buying linens and such for the beds. I'll take the girls shopping for cute things with which to decorate their rooms. They're being troopers. Brave. The older two there for the youngest, Ella, taking care of her, keeping her occupied, supporting her. They've always done that.

It will take them a while I think to be able to fully grieve, themselves.

This is rough.

 

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers as you go through this difficult time.

Jerry

 

So sorry. Ronni. This is terribly sad. My sympathy to you all.

 

You and your family have my prayers !!

 

Thanks guys.

Well, it's over. The visitation and service for me marked a turning point. There's still much to do to get the girls fully settled, but I felt like everyone was sort of looking backwards before the funeral, and now that it's over they're beginning to look forward instead.

The service was lovely, and very very well attended. My DIL was very active in her church, started a couple of strong outreach programs for the needy, and was well liked. The chapel overflowed, and additional rows of seating were set up in the lobby to accommodate everyone. Several people spoke, and it was moving. Spontaneously, my oldest granddaughter Lorelei jumped up at the last minute, and asked if she could say a few words.

She was spectacular! She spoke of her Mom's kindness, her love of family. She talked about how desperately she was going to miss her, how they were best friends, they texted and talked all the time. She said she would take care of her sisters just the way her Mom would have wanted, that she would work hard and do good, and that she was going to make her Mom proud of her. Other stuff. She spoke for a few minutes. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. She broke down several times, but regained her semi-composure pretty quickly, and even cracked a couple jokes...like at one point she started to cry, and said something about she hadn't intended to speak and didn't know she would until she did, and she wished she'd known because then she wouldn't have worn mascara

Grayson and I maintained pretty well until she talked. Then we just basically sobbed quietly on each other's shoulders. That part was rough.

Now we all just continue to put one foot in front of the other, and move forward. There's no getting over this...but we can all get beyond it and continue on.

 

I feel optimistic now during these sad times.

 

And life goes on.....

The court appointed a Guardian Ad Litem for the girls, (a court mandated social worker who advocates for the children and what's in their best interests) and we met with her Saturday. She has to interview those concerned, adults and children, within a certain time frame from when the custody order was granted..it was moved from an emergency to a temporary custody order the day before. I had all the girls Saturday for a skating birthday party, but Lorelei the 13 year old had to stay behind so that the woman could interview her first.

I think it went well. She spend a long time with Steve and Candy (the grandparents the girls are living with) and then after I brought the girls back from skating she interviewed me as well, as the other Grandma who Candy named as being most involved. Though Ella, the 7 year old, has no biological connection to me (she is Rachel's daughter by her last marriage) I told her that I consider Ella just as much mine as the other two, that family means way more to me than mere DNA, and that my children feel the same way, so the Uncles and Aunts abound for all the kids.

She asked me about my relationship with the girls. I told her I considered it a close one, and I felt quite certain that the girls would confirm that if she asked them as I'm sure she was going to. She asked me my assessment of the girls' emotional states right now, so I went into that some. Asked if there was anything else. I said that Candy is a very close friend apart from being girls' grandmother, we've had each others' backs for many years, and that we are united in having what's best for the girls be our priority. And that in my personal opinion we co-grandparent really well. That got a laugh from everyone, but Candy confirmed that that was an excellent way to put it, and she concurred with everything I said.

Candy goes back to Court Friday to have the judge basically affirm the custody order, (there's a legal word that I can't remember) once the Guardian ad litem has issued her findings.

The girls start grief counseling this week.

 

Hope it all works out. Going to be a difficult road going ahead but one step and one day at a time and all will work out well in the end.