Sorry I've been MIA.

Discussion in 'Birthdays & Anniversaries' started by Ronni, May 10, 2020.

  1. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    Thank you all so much for the sweet birthday wishes! :heart: I appreciate you all, and I'm so sorry I've been dark for a while. Lots going on, not good stuff, unfortunately. This will be long, because there's so much.

    Ron became ill a few weeks back. We were in a panic thinking, of course, that it was Covid-19 but thankfully it wasn't. Nonetheless he was off work, back and forth to the doctor, an adverse reaction to two different meds he was put on, and I was on and off work dealing with him, and very focused on him. He has, I'm very relieved to say, made a full recovery.

    Sheri, Ron's youngest and the one with the two kids who lives with us, got married. I told you that. It lasted barely two months before it completely blew up and there was an enormous amount of drama (unfortunately most of it from Sheri) and they ultimately divorced but not without a tremendous uproar that repercussed on the whole family, but mostly Ron and me because we all share the same household.

    It was also during that period that the Corona virus became a very real, very palpable threat, and Ron and I were trying to navigate the countless nuances of that, how it would affect our work, our home life, who we could be around and who we couldn't, sanitization procedures etc., all of which was compounded by the fact everything was in short or no supply, and we were all working so there was that exposure, plus having to think with Sheri and her social life and the kids and daycare and all the rest. I don't know how much this pandemic has impacted you all, but it has had a profound effect on our lives, if only because Ron and I, like many of you I know, are considered high risk because of age, and Ron at the upper end of that high risk category because of compromised lung function through working on the Railroad for years before it was regulated. It doesn't affect his quality of life much, especially with the meds he's on for it, but because of his lungs, contracting the virus would likely be fatal for him.

    Ultimately Sheri pulled the kids out of daycare and stopped working entirely to stay home with them, I stopped working for all but two of my clients with very strict protocols in place. Ron continued to work but in a more limited capacity on jobs that were entirely isolated e.g. a cabin out in the country whose owners wanted a deck and an enclosed, screened in porch built. No tenants, no one else around.

    This was all working ok until Sheri decided that she couldn't stand the isolation any more and on Easter Sunday went visiting...two different families, each with two or three kids, without a word to either of us, when we had previously agreed that we would all continue to stay isolated within the parameters that we'd all agreed on. It was purely by chance that I found out about it while she was gone. By her own admission she didn't plan to tell us because she "didn't want the opinions and BS." There was a huge blowup with her and I left before she came back into the house so that I wouldn't put myself at risk. I'm currently staying with Paige and William and the kids, have been since Easter, and was in a very deep funk. Still am really. Not only have I been dealing with the threat of the pandemic which is creating all manner of anxiety and stress, but on top of that, all at once, I lost my home, my man, my work, and so I didn't even have that foundation to stand on any more. It's been pretty miserable.

    Of course Ron is completely torn. He wouldn't be the man I love if he were willing to just kick his daughter and two grandkids out in the middle of a pandemic. On the other hand I'm unwilling to live over there until she's gone. She's proven she can't be trusted, and I'm just not willing to put myself at risk, though it makes me sick at heart that Ron is at risk every day. :( And with the slow re-opening of the economy Sheri is going to be going out more and more, whereas I intend to stay isolated for some time to come. Our risk assessments are completely different.

    So, that's what's going on right now. It's a complete mess, I fluctuate between being grateful I have a haven with Paige and William, and being deeply depressed that I am dealing with this mess.

    And again, I apologize for being out of touch. I'm just.....struggling right now. There are days where I can't even make it out of bed. :(
     
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  2. Jewell

    Jewell Incorrigible Gardener Plants Contributor

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    So sorry you have had such a miserable time. Hope you are finding multiple ways to self care. Though it’s hard, remember the best antidote for keeping any illness at bay is your wonderful lighthearted spirit. Glad you are back at the Stew. Blessings and prayers for you and yours..
     
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  3. mart

    mart Strong Ash

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    Is she just stupid or what ? I assume this daughter of his is grown and should have a bit of intelligence although it doesn`t sound like much ! He can`t help her,, she is going to do what she wants irregardless of anyone else ! Best thing h can do is to tell her to find her own place so you two can get back to normal !
    I have little symphany for dumb people ! Ignore the spelling,, broke my arm and had surgery this week to fix it ! You can get the gist of what I am saying ! I know you are thinking about the children but untill she has to deal with it she will not grow up !
     
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  4. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    Oh Mart, you're good for my soul! :heart: You made me laugh out loud at your very blunt and direct post, which mirrors many of my own private thoughts! :mad:

    Honestly I am shocked that she's just so self-centered about this, and she doesn't seem to have a care about putting her Dad at such risk. But see, she's told me bluntly that she's careful so there's no risk and I'm overreacting and being completely ridiculous. There's nothing I can do with that, no reasoning with that mindset, and I've tried, believe me.

    So I'm here, and Ron's there, and that's that until she moves. She's trying to buy a house, and he's given her till August 1st to do whatever she's going to do and move out.
     
    Last edited: May 11, 2020
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  5. mart

    mart Strong Ash

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    Excellent !! Smart man ! Yes,, I can be blunt ! Sugar coating does not help anything ! Sure does not help the offspring ! Both of you need to be extra careful !
    Glad your back !
     
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  6. carolyn

    carolyn Strong Ash

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    Oh Ronni! I am so sorry things are in such turmoil... I honestly was worried you got covid and died... glad it wasn't that. hopefully the situation will be resolved quicker than you expected or thought it could.
     
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  7. Cayuga Morning

    Cayuga Morning Strong Ash Plants Contributor

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    I agree with Mart....& I can't help but be concerned about Ron's health and the risk this daughter is putting him in. How will she feel if he contracts covid from her? That would not be good on many levels. I wish he would put his foot down with his daughter....and sooner than August!
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2020
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  8. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    Ronni so good to see you posting here again!! Such a pity that Ron's daughter can't see what she's doing - has she no common sense at all!! We're supposed to be pulling together to get through this not being selfish and self centred!!
    I'd give almost anything to see my three children but we know it's best to stay apart. We stay in touch via telephone conversations which helps.
     
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  9. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    She definitely has a selfish streak, honestly at times bordering on a touch of narcissism. I've known that about her for a long time, and so has her Dad, but as it has had little effect on us personally up till now, it was just something that was sort of "over there" y'know? We all, I'm sure, recognize the occasional not-so-perfect trait in our kids (well, I certainly do in mine lol) but they're grown and out we chalk it up to no one being perfect, even our own offspring!

    Eileen, I have the same kind of operating basis with my sons who are here in Nashville with me, as you do your kids. One of my boys moved in to his brother's house when it became obvious that the virus was a serious issue, and I'm so glad they're together! The other one still lives alone, and he's staying safe. We all FaceTime, and telephone, and because they live here in Nashville, I can even see them from time to time....with them on one end of the porch and me the other!!! My oldest in California with his family I worry about a lot because he's a first responder and so he's much more up close and personal with this virus. He's out on many calls a day to people who are showing symptoms and are scared so they're calling 911.
     
    Last edited: May 12, 2020
  10. Cayuga Morning

    Cayuga Morning Strong Ash Plants Contributor

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    Ronnie, I am a little concerned about her having "the power" to temporarily split you and Ron up. That is not a good precident to set. Or for Ron to allow. I get it that you are in a tricky position. She is his daughter & grandkids.
     
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  11. Sjoerd

    Sjoerd Mighty Oak

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    I am extremely sorry to learn about this situation. I really cannot add much that has already been said, but Cayu's comments sound very strong and correct. This is a wise woman. I say that, but you probably already know it.

    Here's wishing you a lot of strength to get through this and that you and your man can soon re-unite. I'll bet he misses you terribly.
     
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  12. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    I am too Cayuga. Ron and I have had some very in-depth conversations about this. There's some co-dependency going on there, above and beyond his very real concerns for his daughter and grandkids. She has a strong sense of entitlement, he's an enabler, and that is just a really bad mix. :(

    I've pointed out to him, in better times, that she's manipulated him over this or that. Sometimes he recognizes it, sometimes not. I know it's hard to see dysfunction and sketchiness in our own kids, I refused to acknowledge my own son's drug addiction for a long time, so I really get it.

    All I can do at this point is stand firm in my own risk assessment, encourage him that he's doing the right thing giving her a deadline by which to move out, and then keeping both our focus on that so that she doesn't try and manipulate her way out of that.
     
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  13. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    He does, Sjoerd. We miss each other. :(

    I had a "date" with him last night. A socially distanced one, but still. ;) Found out Sheri and the kids were gonna spend the night at her sister's so I went over while Ron was at work and cooked him his favorite dinner to come home to. He was smiling so big I thought his face was gonna crack!! It was so so sweet! :heart:
     
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  14. Sjoerd

    Sjoerd Mighty Oak

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    How nice is that! You're a great Sheila, mate.
    So nice that you guys could have some time together.
    Keep the faith.
     
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  15. Cayuga Morning

    Cayuga Morning Strong Ash Plants Contributor

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    Sounds wonderful Ronni. You are a sweetheart. Ron would be a fool to lose you.
     
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