Things I've Learned About Texas

Discussion in 'Jokes and Games' started by glendann, Jul 23, 2006.

  1. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    Things I've Learned About Texas



    Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

    There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

    There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.

    Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they are ripe.

    If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!

    Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

    There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

    A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

    The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.

    Onced and twiced are words.

    Coldbeer is one word.

    People actually grow and eat okra.

    Green grass DOES burn.

    When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at
    your front gate in the middle of the night.

    The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.

    When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor.

    Fix-in-to is one word.

    "Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two.

    "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.

    "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"

    You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're
    done, or it's too dark to see.

    You measure distance in minutes or hours.

    You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

    Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.

    You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in
    them, no matter what time of the year.

    All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.

    You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.

    You carry jumper cables for your own car.

    You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

    You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.

    You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

    The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six
    pages to cover Friday night high school football.

    The first day of deer season is a state holiday.

    You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.

    The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.

    You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as
    soon as he opens his mouth.

    Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."

    You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather.

    A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.

    Texans understand these jokes. If you do too, forward them to your friends from Texas.
    If you don't just come and stay awhile.
     
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  3. prairiefeather

    prairiefeather New Seed

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    The spiders.
    I never knew how true that was til I moved into my current house in a rural area. Holy cow, theres a spider for everyday of the week. It can be fascinating ,but I quickly learned to shake out my bath towel before I use it to dry off. :eek:
     
  4. Frank

    Frank GardenStew Founder Staff Member Administrator

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    Very funny Glenda. My favourite:

    The eyes, the EYES! :eek: Buzzards know things!
     
  5. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    I just couldn't resist putting it on
    here.
     



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  6. Primsong

    Primsong Young Pine

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    This is great - I have a few friends down that way and while I've never been there myself, it sure bears out what they've described. Thanks for the grins!
     
  7. Pinkiered

    Pinkiered The Rose Queen

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    LOL Ya know...after reading that...its all applies to ppl in FL too...LOL Well the ones born and raised...LOL

    In FLs case, its the pine tree. :rolleyes:



    All grass burns in FL...even wet!




    LOL I say that! When we lived out in CA and I worked at the animals shelter, the ppl there would make fun of me. They would ask me questions just to hear my answer...LOL "Where are you going?" Im fixinta(one word) go on break! LOL For those who dont know...Fixinta means about to. :D



    Aint it the truth! Yummmmyyy!


    Sad that I didnt have to get passed Jeet? to know what you were talking about! LOL

    LMAO! So true in FL too! The distance between Panama City, Fl and Orlando, Fl is about 8 hours....6 if you drive fast. :D


    All of ours are named after some sea creature!

    YEP! And Rob had some specially made to fit my tiny hands! They sit under my backseat!:D

    Ahhh to be young again! :D

    In Panama City, its , you can tell whose from GA, AL, South FL and "The Keys". The Keys are different from South FL.. If you are in South FL, the more North you go, the heavier the accent.

    Yep!

    LOL Thank you! I didnt know Tx and Fl had so much in common! :D
     
  8. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    Pinkiered they had us both so yeahhhh.
    Two peas in a pod.lol
     
  9. Shanna

    Shanna In Flower

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    What about yonder?Meaning over there.Some how they left it off.
    Hey also forgot ya'll.Meaning you all come back ya hear.
     
  10. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    Thanks for the additional info .They left it out.:)
     
  11. Pinkiered

    Pinkiered The Rose Queen

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    Heres a little story for you about the difference in the North and South. LOL

    Im married to a man born in German but raised in Co and CA.

    When we first got married, I was in the bedroom of the tony apt we were living trying to get the window to shut. Well, Rob walked in the front door and yelled, "Denee?? Where are you?" I yelled back, "In the bedroom" HE walks into the room and saw me wrestling the that stupid window and asked,"What ARE you doing?" And my answer was (still get teased about this after 8 yrs), "What does it look like Im doing...Im shuttnin' the window." :rolleyes:

    I still say it...not shuttin' ..shuttnin'
     
  12. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    We really don't make since in vocabulary unless your from the South .Of course I never knew it was different until I was older.Like Fert Worth instead of Fort Worth.When we lived there it sounded so funny .Just fom here 155 miles its a difference.
     
  13. Pinkiered

    Pinkiered The Rose Queen

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    Yeah...I do understand that! My hubbys family thinks its funny to hear me talk.

    PPL! I tell ya!

    Like when they (ppl in the North) say, " You going with?" To someone from the South Im like..."With who...where?" LOL I get so confused when I hear that! My hubbys family will say "Are you going with?" Then look at me and say, "With us..to the store." LMAO! FINISH YOUR SENTENCE! LMAO!

    I told my sister in law once, "Thats not a complete sentence." Her reply back was ," Yall isnt a complete word.
    " LMAO! She had me! God love 'er!
     
  14. glendann

    glendann Official Garden Angel

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    I know .My daughter lives in Montana and they call her their Yellow Rose of Texas.They love to hear her talk .She has been there since 2002 and she still talks like a Texan lol.I dought if she will ever loose that drawl.I will be going to Montana August 5th and fly back on the 19th.They love to hear us talk to each other .
    I do hope my new plants will be ok while I'm gone.
    Shanna and Kevin will be watering and taking care of my baby Oreo .I will be worried about them anyway.
     
  15. cajunbelle

    cajunbelle Daylily Diva

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    Glendann, what new plants do you have. DH has forbid me to buy anything else, but he bought a pink hibiscus last week. Not fair. So I guess I will have to live out my plant lusts hearing what other people have, until the spring anyway.
     
  16. Shanna

    Shanna In Flower

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    Don't worry about Oreo and your plants while you are gone.You know we will take care of them for you.You just worry about having fun in Montana with your daughter and grandbaby.Make sure you give Trey lots of hugs and kisses from his aunt.
    Love You
     

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