The Great Weed Empire and the World's Ugliest Spider

Category: Garden in the Ghetto | Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:15 pm

I'll try this again since it didn't post last time, but some of the original fervor will undoubtedly be lost forever to the land of unposted blogs and socks without a mate.
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There are reasons why you haven't seen pictures of my garden. Mainly, it's because my garden is located in my yard. My yard is something you don't want to see, unless you have a strange hankerin' for photographs of weeds. Seriously, lots of weeds.
The thing is, my landlord Steve (who happens to be my half-sister's-uncle-by-marriage, and McPhersons consider that kin!) doesn't really feel the need to give us any special breaks. And by "breaks" I mean the things he gives to all the other tenants free-off-charge. Things like faucets in their back yards, working garbage disposals/refrigerators, grass, etc.
This lack of grass has lead to a maddening frenzy of invasive and unsightly plants. Maintenance (Steve and Gary) are supposed to care for all lawns according to the rental agreement. I think Gary comes by once every other month to mow said weeds, and I still can't figure out why.
Not having a hose is the only reason why I haven't planted my own blasted grass. It's one thing to walk back-an-forth to the kitchen sink 5 times just to water the veggies, but it would get down right tedious trying to wet the entire yard with a gallon water pitcher.
There you have it, my melodramatic excuse for lack of pictures.
On another note I was yanking-up some of the insanity by the porch and this squishy, yellow body scurried out on bright red legs with giant eyes and what looked like pinchers. I thought it was some horrid larvae of a probably plant-terrorizing beetle. I screeched for Rob to put this creature to death. As a kid I would have fearlessly captured it for proper classification and subsequent release, but the dreams of a career in entomology died after 2 spider bites that resulted in trips to the hospital. Rob promptly unveiled this demon from his weedy hide-out and, upon further inspection, found that it was a spider, not a beetle. I advocated it's execution anyways, because I hate red-legged, crab-looking surprises. Rob made a big fuss, as I generally don't condone spider-carnage and force him to put them outside rather than kill. He ended it finally, intentionally making a huge production by using a bark chip as a bad guillotine, instead of his quick and diligent shoe. I felt guilty for a moment, until I shuddered at the mental image of that horrid creature crawling up my garden glove.

Last edited: Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:19 pm

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eileen wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:27 pm:

Lexxi I soooo enjoyed reading your blog entry.

I must admit I had a good laugh at the thought of the look on your face when you saw that spider!!!! It sounds horrendous. Have you 'Googled' to see what the heck it actually was?

By the way we really don't mind photographs of weeds - we all have them - welll .... at least I do. I call them wild flowers though as it sounds soooo much better. LOL

Lovely to have you here with us at The Stew and I look forward to more blog entries from you again soon.

lexxivexx wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:34 pm:

I googled to no avail. It ended up looking like a cross between a sowbug killer, some kind of crab spider and a few other things. Besides, my imagination has probably exaggerated his horrific features so much that Rob should be the one identifying. :) None of the other spiders were ugly enough! lol

Frank wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 12:38 pm:

Hehe poor spider! Very eloquently put :D

Lexxi I always recommend to others that before writing a lengthy blog entry to write it in Notepad or a similar text editor first and save it. This is because web browsers are notorious for crashing once you click that submit button and you end up losing the lot. This practice has saved me hundreds in stress-related doctor bills :) (just kidding, but it does help somewhat).

Not to worry about photos, for me your words are just as good.

CritterPainter wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 2:53 pm:

Good grief, I've never seen anything like that around here!!! I've always loved that there aren't any poisonous crawlies around here, might have to double check!
btw- some kitchen faucets have a screw-off aerator that leaves a threaded end that accepts a hose fitting. Just run it out a window or something. Just a thot. M.

glendann wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 3:14 pm:

Loved reading your blog.You write so well and I could see that spider in my mind and your face.Laughed out loud.Just to funny.

desertflower wrote on Wed Aug 08, 2007 4:10 pm:

I'm with these guys, love your writing. You make everything so vivid that it almost seems like you have posted pictures. Keep up the posting. No matter what the subject, it is going to be good reading!

lexxivexx wrote on Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:02 am:

Y'all are a bunch of gems! I'm flattered.
Mary- thanks for the advice on the hose! I got a rake and some seed today! We don't have many poisonous crawlies here. That one was probably just ugly. The bad bites I've acquired were a result of general fearlessness, environmental restoration in a very dense area (the front-lines of a Himalayan blackberry battle) and actively seeking bugs the SE corner of Oklahoma (i.e. stupidity).