Because I'm a man.

Discussion in 'Jokes and Games' started by eileen, May 24, 2005.

  1. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle
    with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set in.
    AAA is not an option. I will win.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will
    pop the bonnet and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
    looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the
    other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
    these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to
    " We will then drink beer as a form of Holy Communion.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to
    bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and
    moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for
    you this isn't a problem.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic
    groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be
    expected to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I
    know, these are the same thing. And never, under any
    circumstances, expect me to pick up anything for which
    "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys
    cumin is a spice and not a bodily function)
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
    working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that
    this will just cost me twice as much, once the repair person
    gets here and has to put it back together.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control
    in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
    I may miss a whole show looking for it (though one time I was
    able to survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers
    mainly.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
    thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or
    football. I have to make up something else when you ask, so
    don't ask.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have
    your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or
    think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got
    her for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't
    forget to pick up something for my mother too.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the
    movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
    and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will
    certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to
    others.
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I
    thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine,
    too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
    looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go
    now?
    _____________________________________________________

    Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2005, I will
    share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
    cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll
    do the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering
    around in the garden with a beer wondering what to do.
    _____________________________________________________

    This has been a public service message for Women to better
    understand the Male.
     
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  3. Frank

    Frank GardenStew Founder Staff Member Administrator

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    :D

    Not all true though,

    For me replace that with 'worrying about my websites' :p
     
  4. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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