How do I get used to living with someone again?

Discussion in 'The Village Square' started by Ronni, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Evil Roy

    Evil Roy In Flower

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    As long as you see it as a battle, you'll lose. Learn to talk without arguing, and everything will be a lot easier. Anything you bottle up will eventually ferment and explode, and those messes are hard to clean up. Better to talk it out. Rule #1 should always be "Shut up and listen."
     
  2. adam.ca

    adam.ca In Flower

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    my gf likes to spend good money on fancy mugs, I find it a waste of money, but there is no point in talking it out, she likes her mugs, I think its stupid, no amount of talking about it is going to change either of our minds. so it's best for me to just do my best to not care about it.
    whenever she spends money like that, I don't like it, it p*****me off sometimes, like " we have boxes and boxes of Xmas decoration why you bring home a s*** tone more!!!!"
    but I've learned that it's just not worth it, it's best for me to just pretend that the stupid nick nack she found looks good.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 14, 2019
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  3. toni

    toni Mistress of Garden Junque Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    Number one question.....is it her money she is spending??? If so then it is none of your business how she spends it.
     
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  4. Evil Roy

    Evil Roy In Flower

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    And there you go breaking rule number 1. Why would you expect your likes, wants, and needs to be important to her, if her likes, wants, and needs aren't important to you? What you, and possibly both of you, have bottled up will eventually explode. If your relationship survives the blast, the shrapnel will leave deep wounds that may never heal. If by some miracle the explosion doesn't occur, the container will be eaten away from the inside by the anger, along with any love that it might have contained.
     
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  5. adam.ca

    adam.ca In Flower

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    I'm supposed to like fancy mugs and nick nacks because she likes these things?

    yes, her money.
    I cant help but feel she could spend her money more wisely, in the end its her money and its " none of my business ", so probably i shouldn't bug her about it, even if i dont like it.
    but in a way it is my business.... i mean i have to live with all this stuff she buys!

    I would Prefer she doesn't spend her money this way, I've tried to talk to her about it, ex. "we have xmas junk use that, dont buy more junk!!!" but that's pointless... and so I just push aside how i feel about it, let it happen, and put all this stuff in boxes and hide it in the basement for her. ( god forbit i throw any of it away).
     
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  6. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    @adam.ca I have to agree with @toni on this mate..as my hubby when I smoked for example...used to say your soming some fags and I told him straight as long as your not paying for them don't worry about it...I used to live surrounded by white friars glass but my hubby met me half way and stored some away, it's all about compromise :like:
     
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  7. Evil Roy

    Evil Roy In Flower

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    You don't have to enjoy everything she does, but you should be happy that she's found something that brings her joy. I don't get excited over plants, but I'm thrilled when Toni finds one that excites her. Toni enjoys watching me when I find some new, fun electronic gadget. The phrase "That's neat! What is it?" is spoken by both of us over the others finds. All in all, life and love are in balance, and all is well.
     
  8. toni

    toni Mistress of Garden Junque Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    Change your attitude, stop mentioning it to her, do not roll your eyes even if she can not see them, no loud exhale of breath in exasperation, those are all ways of letting her know that you are judging her, you do not approve of her actions and are trying to take control of her life. She is a grown woman and really does NOT need your approval.
     
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  9. Catdaddy6676

    Catdaddy6676 In Flower

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    That is an exceptionally non-evil answer, Roy!

    You may be slipping... Lol
     
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  10. adam.ca

    adam.ca In Flower

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    probably if i had brought up some boxes of Xmas decorations and helped her put up these things, she wouldn't of bought so much new stuff...
    i agree that more often then not a compromise is easily reached.


    ill continue to just smile and nod when she says " look at this new mug! isnt it cool!? "

    maybe i'm doing it wrong, but i'm pretty sure i was doing it SUPER WRONG before, by trying to talk her into changing her spending habits.
     
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  11. toni

    toni Mistress of Garden Junque Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    Oh, the EvilRoy is just an act. He is really the best husband around!!!
     
  12. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    Have you thought because you didn't help her...buying new gave her an extra boost for the occassion..it works both way adam ;)
     
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  13. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    No truer words said toni...if you have your soul mate ;)
     
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  14. DeepWoods

    DeepWoods In Flower

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    Some people just are not content and think that buying more stuff will make them happy but it never does, it only leads to buying even more stuff and the landslide continues until the family is in debt and the bottled up anger and contention and wounds that won't heal come to a head. Being "grown" means responsibility, the couple becomes one flesh and excessive spending by either puts a burden on the relationship and it will eventually deteriorate. Selfishness, individualism, etc. is the principle behind the huge un-content stigma of today.
    this is the "period" generation...there's never a period, they can't get enough, never content.
    You're a couple, one flesh....Just as your body is one, if any part of your body gets pinched your whole body feels the pain. It's the same in a true relationship, what each one does affects the other, because they are as one.
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2019
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  15. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    I love this...love that you've each made these comments which compliment the other. :heart:

    It's excellent advice! And Toni, I especially appreciate that you get my nervousness. Though our circumstances were/are different, I'm so glad you GET that finger biting nervousness about things working out for whatever the reason!
     
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