How do I get used to living with someone again?

Discussion in 'The Village Square' started by Ronni, Jan 9, 2019.

  1. Growingpains

    Growingpains Young Pine

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    Ronni, I suppose a trial run isn't acceptable?
    After a 25 year marriage ended in divorce, I met a man who wanted to live together. October will be 35 years living together, not without some moments!
    He does things which irritate me to distraction. I'm sure I NEVER annoy him!
    I entered the arrangement with the idea if it isn't working, I can leave. I learned it isn't that easy to leave someone you respect and care for.
    Ronni, all the advice in the world won't make it right or wrong for you. Use your own judgement and love and forgive. Happiness!
     
  2. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    It is absolutely acceptable! We're not getting married till 2020. Living together is the next logical step, and so we're going to do that for a while, but I'm planning to take even that in stages. The kids will miss me a whole bunch (River started crying when he realized that I was actually going to move out! ) and even though I'm looking forward to this next stage in my life, I'm still going to miss everyone here dreadfully so I'm going to have to ease into this transition in stages.

    And if Ron doesn't get his @#$% together and get the work rolling on the Master bedroom, we're going to be married before I ever move in!!! :mad:;):heart: Just kidding...we're both working hard on finishing up the Den while also whipping the laundry room into shape which has been half finished since I met him!!
     
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  3. Growingpains

    Growingpains Young Pine

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    You haven't said what age nor how many kids you have.
    Is he good with your kids? How are you with his kids?
    This will be a vital part of your relationship.
     
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  4. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    Hi Growingpains...what I've read of Ronni's posts the kids are loved on both sides which is lovely :)
     



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  5. Growingpains

    Growingpains Young Pine

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    Gail, I'm sure both are well loved. It helps a relationship if both sets of kids like and respect the parent's choice in a mate.
     
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  6. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    Yeah, as Gail mentioned, the kids are no problem. My kids love him and vice versa. I'm working closely right now with Krystal, one of his daughters, to help her prep for her upcoming wedding for example.

    I'm wondering if you're aware that we're both seniors, Ron and I. So there aren't any young children in the mix. Both our families are grown, some with kids themselves.

    We've talked a lot about the adjustments we're both going to have to make to live with someone else again. I am very grateful that he really understands that in many ways, my adjustment will be more than his, because I am moving into his home, so while my environment will be completely changed, his won't. We'd rather just move into a new home together, so that the playing field is completely level, but for a laundry list of reasons that's no possible right now.

    I sincerely doubt this would be as worrisome if I were 20 years younger! But as I've gotten older I am definitely more routine oriented, and though I embrace change in many forms (whether it's redecorating, trying a new hobby or adventure, changing up my diet or exercise, new hairstyles etc) that hasn't really extended to my own personal habits and routines, which have become deeply rooted. Not having to accommodate another person is also something I haven't had to do for close to 20 years, and neither has he. So we're both works in progress I guess! :)
     
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  7. Growingpains

    Growingpains Young Pine

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    Fortunately, both sets of children are easy to get along with.
    It could be different even with adult kids. In fact, it's often
    the adult children who create the problem.
    I'm glad to know that that problem doesn't exist for you and your man.
     
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  8. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    I agree on this aspect because my older sister married years ago and the son didn't get on with her and used to play them off against one another.
     
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  9. Ronni

    Ronni Hardy Maple

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    Ugh, that's not good. There can't possibly be any good long-term outcome from that kind of strategy. :(
     
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  10. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    They ended up being divorced in the end Ronni and he's now remarried and my sister lives in spain been there over 20yrs as far as I know.
     
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  11. Growingpains

    Growingpains Young Pine

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    That's why I asked the question and I'm so glad Ronni's answer is a positive.
     
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  12. Gail-Steman

    Gail-Steman Young Pine

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    I do agree kids have to be happy before any step can go further because of issues arriving to late after the fact.
     
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  13. Nnamdi

    Nnamdi New Seed

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    I believe these things fall in place, but above all being open about the awkwardness is in itself a good first step.
     
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