Lil Debbie, we called her...

Discussion in 'In Memory Of' started by waretrop, Dec 3, 2012.

  1. waretrop

    waretrop Strong Ash Plants Contributor

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    She had one of those headaches at 17 that you hear about. We found out within 5 days that she had a brain stem bleed. Then she had another one in a week. They didn't think she would live for a year.

    She lived 25 years even though she had 8 brain stem bleeds altogether. The last one left her on a breathing machine unable to use her body or talk or hear or anything. I cared for her at my home for over 2 more years until I found her gone up to heaven while sleeping just across the hallway from me, in my home.

    I couldn't have done anything. She didn't want to be brought back. She didn't want to struggle with life anymore. I had to let her go.

    That was January 4, 2011. It will be 2 years soon and has been very very hard for us over all that time. She was my only child.

    Time does not heal all. This holiday, I am suffering.

    Barb

    [​IMG]
    My Daughter


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    My Daughter

    [​IMG]
    She loved to eat
     
  2. KK Ng

    KK Ng Hardy Maple

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    That is really painful Barb, I can't imagine the sadness you must be feeling from your loss.
     
  3. eileen

    eileen Resident Taxonomist Staff Member Moderator Plants Contributor

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    I can't imagine what it would be like to lose your only child Barb. My heart goes out to you and I wish I could reach out and give you a big hug.
     
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  4. carolyn

    carolyn Strong Ash

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    Barb, Sending you hugs and kisses. I can't imagine your loss, grief or pain, but know that I care. I wish I could take some of that hurt from you.

    I remember one year at Christmastime that I went to say "wait! We cant start, Jay isn't here yet". We had lost my brother and his baby in an accident 10 years previously. I felt so odd, stupid weird....HOW could I forget that? I told this to a friend of mine a few years ago and she said "It's not that you forgot, it's that you remembered". That was comforting, really. We Don't forget. We remember. So, celebrate the memories of your precious daughter. Grief is not something we can put parameters around and say, "it's been an appropriate amount of time...." no, it just doesn't work that way. It takes your time frame not mine or anybody elses to do so. I am not the mom, and I have never asked (I don't have the courage) my mom how she managed to get through the pain and grief of her and my dad's loss. I cry as I sit here thinking about the time of our loss and remember my dad standing at the kitchen door saying "it doesn't matter how many kids you have, you can't afford to lose a one of them" as the tears poured down his cheeks.
    Barb, Take comfort in your love and remembrance of your daughter. If you need to come to my house for the holiday ( we don't go overboard, either) you are welcome!

    love, carolyn
     



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  5. waretrop

    waretrop Strong Ash Plants Contributor

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    Thank you all very much. I think the thing that makes it hurt even more is that on one, my hubby and sister, never want to talk about her. My sister rolls her eyes. She doesn't have children. Guess she just doesn't know.

    How horrible, I don't want to forget her. It is comforting to remember her. Guess everyone is not built the same way.

    This topic was just my little way to keep her beautiful memory alive. Again, Thank you all.
     
  6. carolyn

    carolyn Strong Ash

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    My DH was the song leader at church for a couple years and that meant I was the funeral song list runner. I went to the family's house and dropped off a food gift and the song list sheet for them to fill out. I helped in the choir (if they were desperate for a voice) and I think the most requested hymn was Precious Memories.


    Precious mem'ries, unseen angels, sent from somewhere to my soul;
    How they linger, ever near me, And the sacred past unfold.

    In the stillness of the midnight, Echoes from the past I hear;
    Oldtime singing,gladness bringing, From that lovely land somewhere.

    As I travel on life's pathway, Know not what the years may hold, As I ponder, hope grows fonder, Precious mem'ries flood my soul.

    chorus:
    Precious mem'ries, how they linger, how they ever flood my soul, In the stillness of the midnight, Precious, sacred scenes unfold.

    It is a comfort to have memories, Barb. They aren't going to stop, hold them close. Start journaling if you don't now. It doesn't need to be fancy, just written down in a notebook, if nothing else. They are important to you.
     
  7. sewNsow

    sewNsow In Flower

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    Barb,Sorry to read of your sadness.Your post made a lump in my throat.
    Sending you a big hug.<<<>>>
    sNs
     
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  8. Sjoerd

    Sjoerd Mighty Oak

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    What an absolutely painful time for you. I also cannot begin to imagine how hard it is for you, but I do realize that is something really bad in all sorts of ways.
    I am wishing you all the strength and pleasant thoughts possible to get through this holiday season, especially.
    (lil hug).
     
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  9. Kay

    Kay Girl with Green Thumbs

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    So sorry to read of your daughter, Barb. It seems the Holidays usually makes missing our loved ones keener.
    My heart goes out to you. Wishing you strength and love during your sad days.
     
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  10. cuatro-gatos

    cuatro-gatos In Flower

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    Oh Barb, my heart goes out to you as you face the holiday season. L'll Debbie is your angel, always was and always will be. Know that she wants you to
    smile when you think of her. You took the best care
    of her that was possible, you were a blessing for
    each other. God bless you and your family.
     
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  11. stratsmom

    stratsmom Flower Fanatic

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    hugs to you my friend :smt056
     
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  12. donm

    donm In Flower

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    Hugs to you.

    I lost my son to leukemia two days before his 19th birthday. He fought a brave battle for two years. Straight A student.

    I try to remember all the good times. It is rougher at Christmas.

    What was worse for me was that my twin sisters son was in an automobile accident and died on the same day one year later.

    Remember the good memories.

    Don
     
  13. carolyn

    carolyn Strong Ash

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    Don, My sympathy to you, too. We really don't have any idea what others go through in life, do we? I hope your sister is doing well, too.
     
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  14. koszta kid

    koszta kid Young Pine

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    A loss of Love One is harder at Christmas time.My Mother took her to hospital Christmas Eve.And passed away 10 days later.My Aunt had MS bed ridden for 18 years.She loved us decorating her room.
    Some people don't talk about family member who has passed away. I love getting pictures out. Remember good times.And I cry every time I hear "Here I am Lord" at church. They played that as The family walked into church.
     
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  15. Donna S

    Donna S Hardy Maple

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    Barb, L'll Deb truly is your angel now. And I'm sure she would want you to embrace all the good times you had together. So let yourself remember the joy you shared and allow yourself to laugh and cry. She's right there with you. You have an angel in your pocket.
     
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