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One Angry Bull

Category: Life As I Know It | Posted: Mon Oct 12, 2020 9:37 am

Shortly after my oldest son got married his wife began to tell us about a young bull that lived in the field right behind their rented house. We heard stories about how he would charge them when they were outside and how he always tried to go after their dog through the fence. To hear her tell it he was one big, mean bull.

On one particularly hot day my wife and I were visiting with her and the three of us went into the back yard to see this infamous, raging bull. To our surprise, we found him behind the gate that leads into an adjoining field. Somehow, the gate had opened inward and pushed him into the corner, trapping him so that he could barely move. If he would have simply backed up the gate would have pushed away, but he didn’t know that and was rocking back and forth, obviously irritated at his predicament. Always oblivious to the plight of animals I viewed the spectacle with slight amusement. The ladies, however, both extreme, bleeding heart animal lovers, immediately started lamenting how the poor thing was going to die from dehydration because he was trapped and could not get any water.

Little by little it started to sink in that someone was expected to go out in the field and swing the gate away from the rear end of this ticked off bull. It didn’t take a lot of insight to surmise that I was to be that someone. Remember, this wasn’t just any bull, but a bull that I had been told on multiple occasions was blessed with an exceedingly bad disposition.

After failing to make my case as to why we should leave the thousand pound hunk of raw muscle to fend for himself (I honestly don’t know if he was a thousand pounds or not, but for the sake of my ego just go with it) I mustered up all of the manly bravado that I could find, swallowed my fears and pushed into the field with the courage of a prisoner being led to the guillotine.

I crept up behind him slowly, thankful that he had been facing the opposite direction when the gate mysteriously decided to spring its trap. He was still irritated and I could sense it in his body movements. With a shaky, outstretched hand I reached out, heaved the gate open and took off running. In a moment of fear I heard a loud snort, which was immediately followed by the unmistakable sound of thundering hoof beats. I knew he was directly behind me. My thoughts raced to the videos I have seen of the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain and how, on multiple occasions, hapless individuals were trampled or heedlessly thrown aside as they tried to get out of the way of the angry bovines. Fueled by an unforeseen shot of adrenaline my legs began to move like I was the bionic man. I could feel his hot breath on my neck. I knew there was no way that I could make it back to the gate that led into the yard so, in a desperate attempt to save my life, I made a beeline for the fence and dove over the top of it head first. I landed on the ground with a thud, fully expecting to hear the sound of chain link being ripped to shreds as my angry adversary crashed through the fence in a fit of fury.

When nothing happened I looked from my balled up, fetal position on the ground and found my wife and daughter-in-law staring at me in awestruck wonder, obviously impressed by my valiant, heroic efforts to outrun the bull.

I managed to stand up with far less bionic assistance than I had been blessed with just moments earlier and looked back to the fence where I made my harrowing escape from death. The bull wasn’t there! My eyes moved out into the field and locked onto a sight that just couldn’t seem to register with my brain. There, standing exactly where he was before I swung the gate open was my Pamplonian foe. He didn’t even realize that the gate had been moved and that he was free to move around. No doubt, he didn’t even know that I had ventured my very life to release him from his bondage.

I looked back at my two, adoring fans and quickly realized that I had been mistaken by their reactions. They weren’t staring at me in awestruck wonder; rather, they had been shaking their heads in disbelief, wondering exactly what kind of ludicrous spectacle had just transpired in front of them.

My son and his wife moved out of that house a few years ago. I don’t know if the bull still resides in the field or not. One thing is certain though; if you walk into that back yard and stand where I “valiantly and heroically” dove over the fence you can still hear my wife and daughter-in-law’s laughter resounding in the heavens.

Last edited: Wed Oct 14, 2020 8:50 pm

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marlingardener wrote on Tue Oct 13, 2020 4:24 pm:

Oh, that is so funny, and so well written! We have cattle in the field next to us, and occasionally one or two will jump the fence to visit. Fortunately, they are steers, and have had much of the aggression removed.

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