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Thoughts

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Wed Feb 28, 2007 5:01 pm

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"There are people who reshape the world by force or argument but the cat just lies there, dozing, and the world quietly reshapes itself to suit his comfort and convenience." --Alan and Ivy Dodd

"God made the cat in order that man might have the pleasure of caressing the lion." --Fernand Mery

"Who could believe such pleasure from a wee ball o' fur?" --Irish saying

"A Cat sleeps fat, yet walks thin." --Fred Schwab

"The last thing I would accuse a cat of is innocence." --Edward Palley

"There are no ordinary cats." --Colette

"A sleeping cat is ever alert." --Fred Schwab

"In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats." --English Proverb

"Even overweight cats instinctively know the cardinal rule: when fat, arrange yourself in slim poses." --John Weitz

"To please himself only the cat purrs." --Irish proverb

"Never ask a hungry cat whether he loves you for yourself alone." --Dr. Louis J. Camuti

"The only mystery about the cat is why it ever decided to become a domestic animal." --Sir Compton Mackenzie

"A cat determined not to be found can fold itself up like a pocket handkerchief if it wants to." --Dr. Louis J. Camuti

"Since each of us is blessed with only one life, why not live it with a cat?" --Robert Stearns

"Cats are always elegant." --John Weitz

"If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat." --Mark Twain

"A cat has too much spirit to have no heart." --Ernest Menault

"You can't look at a sleeping cat and be tense." --Jane Pauley

"Like a graceful vase, a cat, even when motionless, seems to flow." --George Will

"The cat pretends to sleep that it may see the more clearly." --Chateaubriand

"All animals are equal but some are more equal than others." --George Orwell

"The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat." --Jules Reynard

Last edited: Thu Mar 01, 2007 12:42 am

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More Feline Physics

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2006 1:37 pm

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Law of Cat Elongation - A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

Law of Cat Obstruction - A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

Law of Cat Acceleration - A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

Law of Dinner Table Attendance - Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.

Law of Rug Configuration - No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

Law of Obedience Resistance - A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

First Law of Energy Conservation - Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

Second Law of Energy Conservation - Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

Law of Milk Consumption - A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

Law of Furniture Replacement - A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

Law of Cat Landing - A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid- section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

Law of Fluid Displacement - A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.


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Feline Physics

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:32 am

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Feline Physics

Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

Law of Cat Magnetism - All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

Law of Cat Thermodynamics - Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

Law of Cat Stretching - A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

Law of Cat Sleeping - All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

Law of Refrigerator Observation - If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

Law of Electric Blanket Attraction - Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

Law of Random Comfort Seeking - A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

Law of Bag/Box Occupancy - All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.

Law of Cat Embarrassment - A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

Law of Cat Disinterest - A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

Law of Pill Rejection - Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

Law of Cat Composition - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.


Last edited: Fri Dec 29, 2006 11:32 am

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Famous Quotes

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:19 pm

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There's no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.-Wesley Bates

I've had met many thinkers and many cats, but the wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.- H. Taine

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.-Anonymous

Dogs come when they are called, cats take a message and get back to you later.-Mary Bly

To err is human, to purr is feline.-Robert Byrne

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia." -- Joseph Wood Krutch

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats." -- Anonymous

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior." -- Hippolyte Taine

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." -- Albert Schweitzer

"The cat has too much spirit to have no heart." -- Ernest Menaul

"Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe they are God." -- Unknown

"Time spent with cats is never wasted." -- Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well." -- Missy Dizick

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want." -- Joseph Wood Krutch

"My husband said it was him or the cat... I miss him sometimes." -- Unknown

"I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic." -- Unknown

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Collection of sayings

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 4:07 am

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In the Spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt.

If your knees aren't green by the end of the day, you ought to seriously re-examine your life..

A gardener's work is never done---And therein lies the pleasure. Happiness stems from always having something to do, something to love, and something to look forward to.

If you want to be happy for an hour, get drunk.
If you want to be happy for three days, get married.
If you want to be happy for eight days, kill your pig and eat it.
But if you want to be happy forever, become a gardener.--Chinese Proverb

You are closer to God in a flower garden than in all the churches on earth.

Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow.

Do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of..Benjamin Franklin

There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."...Dave Barry

"How lovely is the silence of growing things."

One who plants a garden, plants happiness..Chinese proverb

"Don't grumble that roses have thorns, be thankful that thorns have roses."

"We come from the earth, we return to the earth, and in between we garden."

"The love of gardening is a seed once sown that never dies."...Gertrude Jekyll

Warning, I'm losing my Impatiens

Leave space in your garden for the fairies to dance.

Trespassers will be composted

"This garden was made by doing impractical things we could not afford at the wrong time of year."

Gardeners know all the good dirt

I want to have a little house
With sunlight on the floor,
A chimney with a rosy hearth,
And lilacs by the door;
With windows looking East and West,
And a crooked apple tree,
And room beside the garden fence
For Hollyhocks to be! ~Nancy Bird Turner

There's peace within a garden,
A peace so deep and calm
That when the heart is trouble
It's like a soothing balm.

There's life within a garden,
A life that still goes on
Filling empty places
When older plants have gone.

There's glory in the garden
At every time of year,
Spring, summer, autumn, winter,
To fill the heart with cheer.

So ever tend your garden
It's beauty to increase,
For in it you'll find solace,
And in it you'll find peace.

Last edited: Wed Dec 13, 2006 4:19 pm

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The Pink Dress

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 4:03 am

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There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park. Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by. She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop.
The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes.
Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone. As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her.
Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.
As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello."! The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi"; after a long stare into my eyes. I smiled and she shyly smiled back. We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad.
The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different." I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know." "Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent." She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?" "Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people walking by." She nodded her head yes, and smiled.
With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am." "I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- sure I was seeing things.
She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done". I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?" She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me," and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically.
So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you. Like the story says, we all need someone... And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way. The value of a friend is measured in the heart. I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.

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THE CREATION ( OF PETS )

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:49 am

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Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal." And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."
And dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them. And they were comforted. And God was pleased.
And dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, "No problem! I will create for them a companion who will be with them forever and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shit

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What is a Cat?

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:46 am

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1. Cats do what they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.
5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
7. They're moody.
8. They leave hair everywhere.

CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats.


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Cat Poems and Such

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:50 pm

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I have tons of stuff about Cats I have collected from friends over the years and one friend actually writes this stuff???? with some of my cats in mind (she has a LOT of time on her hands :) )
So if anyone gets tired of it just let me know and I'll stop.

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Things CATS Must Try To Remember!

Category: Humor??? | Posted: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:46 pm

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1. As if!!! Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

2. I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

3. If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.

4. The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.

5. If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

6. I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching Steven King movies.

7. Television and computer screens do not exist to back light my lovely tail.

8. No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.

9. If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.

10. My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.

11. The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.

12. I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.

13. I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.

14. It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling tea.

15. The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.

16. If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.

17. I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.

18. The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.

19. I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my parts grow back.

20. If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

Last edited: Sun Dec 10, 2006 9:53 pm

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