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Category: Mom's Corner | Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 9:51 pm
My boys are ages 11 and 16. Way past the toddler years, when every parent still sees family life as all rosey and warm. Past the days of hide and seek, rubber duckies in the tub and little boys that see Mom as the only person in the world.
So why start now? Why start an online blog of a typical family life? Of boys becoming young men and a Mom who is watching that happen? A Blog of phone calls, homework and curfews, or even better, of girlfriends, movies and overnights at friends?
Whatever! If you think that is a typical day in this Mom's household, you need to read twice.
This is the real world friends. The one where Mom really does have moments of "Mom doesn't live here anymore". Does it mean I hate being a mom, or do not love my children? On the contrary...It means I can be honest. Honest enough to admit that sometimes, being a mom does not mean you have the power to make a happy family. Honest enough to admit that, yes, I am truly powerless.
Step one of Alanon:
1) an admission of powerlessness over the substance, person, thought or activity to which one is addicted.
I am addicted to my boys. There - step 1 - I am addicted to my boys and my powerlessness is because I cannot make decisions for them, I cannot make them well, and I cannot change things for them.
My 11 year old has a colon cancer disease. It does not mean he has a few benign polyps that may someday consider changing to cancer. It means he has 100's to 1000's of polyps, that if left alone, will turn to cancer. Period - no if's and's or but's about it. First surgery was 12/13/05 and the second surgery was 03/16/06.
I am powerless... I cannot make him well, I cannot change this for him and I cannot make the decision of how to handle this for the rest of his life. If only I could.
My 16 year old has an addiction problem. It does not mean he has tried drugs in a social setting with his friends. It means that he has a disease of addiction, whereas he has had his life taken over by the need to do drugs and drink alcohol. And, after about 4 years, he has FINALLY admitted it, sought help and is several months sober..
I am powerless...I cannot make his decisions for him, neither good nor bad, I cannot make him well and I cannot change this for him.
Do I still love my boys? You bet. Do I still support my boys? You bet. Do I still listen, and offer insight? You bet. But there are also times when I selfishly say "why me?" or times when I need alone time to breakdown and cry. Times when I am just so damn frustrated that it is a wonderful fantasy to be able to say "mom does not live here anymore!" It may last less than a minute, but that is all I need. Just enough down time to allow me to be the good mom I know I am.
No matter what the ex says.
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