And you were thinking what?!

Category: The Kids | Posted: Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:03 pm

Back to the present for a moment. My now 16 year old has been in a full-day rehab setting for almost 4 months and just graduated to the second level on April 19, 2006. That placed him in a high school setting (first time back in school since last November) which includes a rehab classroom that he goes to for first hour, lunch time and after school.

Today was what is called a staffing meeting. All staff members from the rehab school, the rehab classroom, the school vice principal, high school teachers, his father and myself are included. My son had to lead the meeting, giving details of his use and addictions, what his triggers are, what teachers and staff can do to help, where he is currently at and where he is going. Everyone could then ask questions.

He did great with his presentation, but was busted for skipping his 6th hour strength and training class several times, including today. Duh! Skip the class that is right before the meeting!

This came on the heels of 2 drug drops in 24 hours and now another one this evening because of a situation that involved one of his peers. Of course, not completely knowing my sons involvement in everything but knowing he was involved or knew of it, rehab felt it was better to stay on top of it. The first two were clean, and I am hoping the one tonight will be clean as well. He says it will be.

Then he gets upset because no one will believe him. He tells me he might as well use again as everyone assumes he is. Excuse me...um, what is he thinking, he has been sober since January 4, 2006. OK, I understand sort of what he is thinking.

But I say to him, "You know, if you do not give them a reason to distrust you, then they would not have to question you. Hanging out with a peer that is using again and not calling him out during the morning meeting is only enabling him. Skipping class with him is only giving them reasons to suspect you. Look at the big picture. You have come so far and are doing great. They are there to help you, but you have to be completely honest, and you have to be accountable for your actions. It is only a small set back, which you can overcome very easily. And always remember that I love you, and support you, but you have to do this for yourself."

He is quiet for the rest of the ride back to the main rehab house for a group outing. When he gets there, he says to me, "Pick me up from the outing at 7:45 tonight so I can go to an AA meeting (he attends AA 3-4 times a week, depending on his needs).

I am proud of him; having a minor bump in the road of recovery, taking it in as a learning lesson and moving on. Now let's hope that tonight's drug screen is negative as well and that the lesson learned today sinks in permanently.

As for me, each incident becomes smaller and how I deal with it gets easier. I have the rehab program to thank for that. They require parents to attend group meetings where they help us understand and deal. They require us to attend individual family meetings so they can teach us how to interact as a functional family of an addict. And they involve us every step of they way.

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Gardenstew wrote on Fri Apr 21, 2006 3:34 pm:

I can only imagine what your son has to fight MC. It is a world that is totally alien to me so forgive me if I do not fully understand completely the emotions that occur from such a situation.

We wish him all the best.

jubabe296 wrote on Sat Apr 22, 2006 6:32 pm:

keep hanging in there. I know how hard it is!! I also wish him and you the best!! You are a really great mom to stand behind your son the way you do!!