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Ever changing and never finished

Category: The Garden | Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:25 pm

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Our gardens are a place of peace and tranquility. Something we can do to help us slow down, take a moment to relax and realize that there is beauty all around us. From one moment to the next, a garden is ever changing and never finished, an on-going project that can last a lifetime.

Yet most of us do not place our lives in the same category as our gardens. Our lives are to hectic with work and errands, much to full of hustle and bustle. Not to mention the ugliness that springs up all around us. Have you heard the neighbors yelling at each other lately? What about watching the late night news telling of the latest crime spree? Then there is that traffic jam you were just stuck in for over an hour.

Have you ever looked at your kids and said something like... "the older you get the more of a monster you become!"? They are ever changing, different from one moment to the next.

Honestly, our lives are exactly like our gardens. Always changing, never finished and forever ongoing yet filled with beauty at any given moment if only we take the time to look. Exactly the same as our gardens.

Shade garden project started in fall of 2005. Lots more work to do here.



The basic downspout project will start this coming weekend, soon to become a self-watered rock garden.



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Those beautiful little Hummingbirds

Category: The Garden | Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 9:19 pm

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The Hummingbird feeder, shown in the picture of the previous post, goes up about mid-April. Usually, by months end, or the beginning of May, those darting little birds start migrating northward.

The fresh feeder in an empty garden help them on their journey and encourages them to stay awhile while we wait for the full bloom of the garden.

I actually have seen them as far north as Sault St. Marie Michigan, located in the UP of the state.

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Beginning of the never-ending battles

Category: The Kids | Posted: Tue Apr 18, 2006 3:46 pm

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Age 12. That is how old my now 16 year old was when I began to suspect drugs.

It was the little things: Falling grades, tired all the time, cranky as all get out, change of friends, dropping out of things he enjoyed and lying. Little white lies at this point, but oh my, was he setting the stage for some real whoppers as he got older.

But he was my oldest so I told myself that it was normal stages for a pre-teen.

The once closeness that we had was disappearing as well. I think that is the part that was the hardest for me to understand at that time. We were usually inseparable, and he was beginning to stay as far away from me as he could. Again, I could justify it to myself by believing that it was normal stages. A young boy trying to find his own identity.

As for his brother, he was only 7 and oblivious to it all. But then, my youngest is really good at keeping things hidden. Born with Sensory Integration, he had enough of his own problems to deal with on a daily basis. Considering I received my first true hug from him at age 5...Well, that is for another post. And he did not get the F.A.P. (familial adenoma polyposis) diagnosis until age 10.

Yet another reason I tried to justify the older one's behavior. Was he jealous of the younger brother getting so much attention with the Sensory Disorder? Not to mention the divorce.

The boys were 6 and 11 when I decided to call a 14 year marriage unbearable, and filed for divorce. Chalked that up to the older child's behavior as well.

So although just the beginning of a long battle, I was not ready to admit that there were problems. For every problem, I had an excuse. Typical, and just the beginning.

I had not yet reached the "Mom has left the building" stage.

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The beginnings of a new season

Category: The Garden | Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 10:25 pm

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Gardening is what I do to get away from everything for a little while. I find it relaxing and enjoyable. Even better, the kids are afraid I will put them to work weeding so they stay clear!

Here in West Michigan, spring is finally here. Although cold nights are still the norm, the warmer days make it perfect to go outside to start working in the gardens.



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Welcome to Mom's Corner

Category: Mom's Corner | Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 9:51 pm

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My boys are ages 11 and 16. Way past the toddler years, when every parent still sees family life as all rosey and warm. Past the days of hide and seek, rubber duckies in the tub and little boys that see Mom as the only person in the world.

So why start now? Why start an online blog of a typical family life? Of boys becoming young men and a Mom who is watching that happen? A Blog of phone calls, homework and curfews, or even better, of girlfriends, movies and overnights at friends?

Whatever! If you think that is a typical day in this Mom's household, you need to read twice.

This is the real world friends. The one where Mom really does have moments of "Mom doesn't live here anymore". Does it mean I hate being a mom, or do not love my children? On the contrary...It means I can be honest. Honest enough to admit that sometimes, being a mom does not mean you have the power to make a happy family. Honest enough to admit that, yes, I am truly powerless.

Step one of Alanon:
1) an admission of powerlessness over the substance, person, thought or activity to which one is addicted.

I am addicted to my boys. There - step 1 - I am addicted to my boys and my powerlessness is because I cannot make decisions for them, I cannot make them well, and I cannot change things for them.

My 11 year old has a colon cancer disease. It does not mean he has a few benign polyps that may someday consider changing to cancer. It means he has 100's to 1000's of polyps, that if left alone, will turn to cancer. Period - no if's and's or but's about it. First surgery was 12/13/05 and the second surgery was 03/16/06.

I am powerless... I cannot make him well, I cannot change this for him and I cannot make the decision of how to handle this for the rest of his life. If only I could.

My 16 year old has an addiction problem. It does not mean he has tried drugs in a social setting with his friends. It means that he has a disease of addiction, whereas he has had his life taken over by the need to do drugs and drink alcohol. And, after about 4 years, he has FINALLY admitted it, sought help and is several months sober..

I am powerless...I cannot make his decisions for him, neither good nor bad, I cannot make him well and I cannot change this for him.

Do I still love my boys? You bet. Do I still support my boys? You bet. Do I still listen, and offer insight? You bet. But there are also times when I selfishly say "why me?" or times when I need alone time to breakdown and cry. Times when I am just so damn frustrated that it is a wonderful fantasy to be able to say "mom does not live here anymore!" It may last less than a minute, but that is all I need. Just enough down time to allow me to be the good mom I know I am.

No matter what the ex says.

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