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Pinkiered
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Recent Entries to this Blog My new life is shapping up nicely
Posted: 23 Dec 2006
Busy busy Pinkie
Posted: 29 Oct 2006
Ohhhhhhh Im so sick
Posted: 09 Oct 2006
My space
Posted: 27 Sep 2006
Winterizing your roses
Posted: 25 Sep 2006

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Pinkiered's Blog

Roses, Roses and more Roses PLEASE!


My new life is shapping up nicely

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:28 pm

Yes yes its been a wlong while. Ive thought about you guys often. Im sitting here waiting for my clothes to get done in the dryer so I can finish packing. Im going home for Christmas..Im leaving this morning and will be in FL until the 3rd. A little vacation for me and I deserve it.

Alot has been happening in my life. It all seems to be happening so fast. Im just hanging on tight and enjoying the ride.

I have to say, that with everything going on, Rob cheating was the best thing he could have done for me. Im discovering so much about myself that I didnt know. I am holding down 3 jobs...not because I have to (he has to pay $1200. a month in spousal support)...but because I want to. I have discovered I enjoy being this busy. I enjoy the fast pace my life has taken on.

Ive discovered that I am so much stronger than I thought. There is nothing in the world that get me down and hold me down for long. My marriage ending has been a hidden gift to me. I am a firm beleiver that everything happenes for a reason. I couldnt think past that when I was in so much pain, but at this point in my life, it couldnt have happened a better time.

I am woman, hear me roar!!! And boy is it LOUD!!!! LMAO!

Ive discovered and still discovering the type of woman I had turned into while all my attention was on him...taking care of him and being the wife I thought he wanted. I am doing for me now.

LOL I was going through my closet one day...I ended up throwing out all my old clothes and went and bought a whole new closet full of cloest (thanks to Rob ;) ) I started getting my hair done. Im in the gym 2 to 4 times a week...if I have the time. I took up salsa and plan on taking up kick boxing. Ive dropped over 100 lbs. I look and feel great. Im going to make sure I have tons of pics taking throughout the trip home so you all can see the new and improved Denee.

And the best part, is I started dating again....nothing serious (so not ready for that...LOL) but Ive gone out on some dates with some great guys.

This is my new life and Im having a blast.

I love and miss you all so much! I cant tell you how much Ive miss you guys!

Everyone have a great Christmas and a wonderful New Years!

'May your greatest wish be the least you receive this Christmas and in the coming year'

Denee

Last edited: Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:43 pm

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Busy busy Pinkie

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Sun Oct 29, 2006 11:29 pm

Well, alot has changed in my life.I left Rob and had to became a grownup. Scary , I know. But its all good. Im working with a little help from him...but for the most part am doing it on my own. I am starting school soon.

Ill be so busy busy. Home, school, work, home ,school, work...... god being a grown up is rough. But I am Denee....I can do this!

Thank god its fall or all my plants that didnt die would do so now...LOL

Ive lost almost 85 lbs total....got my hair cut into a very cute layered look (yes even shorter now) and highlighted it.

After being married so long, I forgot what it was like to take care of me and Im having a blast learning me all over again. I am fabulous! I feel like superwoman and Im ready to take on the world.

SUPER-DENEE!!!!



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Ohhhhhhh Im so sick

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 7:53 am

On Tues, I drove with my little brother on a 4 hour trip to pick up my mom for a visit. She came here to Lafayette for the night on her way (out of the way) to New Orleans. Well, my sister, her roommate and my sisterinlaw all were getting over a sinus infection...some nasty little thing going around.

They did all the cooking......

Did they tell us they had all been sick??

Not until after we ate.....so now everyone who wasnt sick before dinner is now.

I had been very tired the last few day butI felt fine until last night I was sitting at the computer printing some paperwork when I sneezed...and instantly my nose filled up and I could feel my sinus' start burning. If Im not sneezing and trying t breathe, Im sniffing water because my sinus are so dry it burns so bad. BAck and forth....stopped up or dried out.


My mom called this morning to tell me that she is sick too and on vacation...poor mom. She sneezed and her nose started bleeding.

I started running a fever of about 103 this morning and slept pretty much all day. I woke up not long ago and am ready for more sleep.

I dont think I have ever felt this bad in my life! Im never eatting thier cooking again.

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Its PINKIE!!!!

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:15 am

Could it be?? No its not a plane! Its pinkiered!! MZZZ Denee herself!

Im back! I started gardening today for the first time since Aug 11. My plants have faired not well. I really wish they would just jump out of their pots and turn on the hose every once in awhile!!! I lost a few and if it hadnt rained as much as it has in the last month, I would have lost more.

Sadly two that I lost were mini roses. :( BUT That just means, I will have to replace them, right? hehehe BUT not til spring. Too late in the season for new roses.

I had a few surprises waiting for me in the garden. The comos I planted but didnt want to bloom all season finally bloomed. Lets over look the fact the whole thing is almost 6 ft tall...and lets talk about the color. I planted white ones to go with the orange comos' that , by the way, stoped blooming in July. These arent white. They are a very light purple. Very pretty. But the whole plant looks like a weed and is getting on my nerve. I have to fight the urge to pull it.

On of my elephant ears is taller than me and one ear is wider than me. I LOVE MY EARS! But I think yall knew that, huh?

My banana tress have faired very well. I think I have triple the pups now. LOL!!!

One of the rescued roses, turns out to be yellow. One is mauve and the other Im starting to think, is a fake rose...jut looks like one but never blooms. :D
The two are English Roses so Ill bet the third is too. Both smell better than my Chrysler!! Go figure!

Ok...Im off to get caught up!

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Moving....again

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 3:41 am

Yes you heard me right! We are moving agian...on Aug 1st. But not too far...just 3 lots down! HAHAHA!

Its a bigger place...alot nicer. It has a huge deck and a small pond with a foutian...tho I think the landlord is filling it in. >sigh< I hate moving but we will be there for a lonnnnnnnnnnnnggggg time so its ok...this time.

My list of things to do...

Buy 35 10 gallon pots.
Dig up everything that in the ground and plant in the pots.
Fill in 35 holes

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Birthday jitters

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Fri Jul 07, 2006 3:48 pm

Yes.....Its that time of the year again. I have been thinking about it alot! I think all adults do after they have hit the 30 mark.

Yea I know Im still young to some of you BUT to me I will 32!!! Ive never been 32 before. Its just one step closer to 40!Not that thats a bad thing, mind you.

I found out last night that my little sister and sister in law are planning a surprise birthday party for me and Rob( my little sister let it slip). His was on the 2nd. And yes, he was out on the rig for it.

I was trying to think of what mile marks I have reached this year and you know, there just doesnt seem to be many. But I am ok with that.


But I look just as good now as I did on my 31 birthday so that counts for something! (if you over look the fact that my "heavy top" has gone down another two inches in the past year(it keeps this up, Ill have extra knees for my 35th birthday) and my butt seems have started track down.I have few more wrinkles around my eyes and the lines around me mouth are deeper. But I cherish every one of those! Ive worked hard for them. Same with the new silver (NOT GRAY! thank you very much!) hairs I found last night. My mom was completely "silver" by the time she was 40 and so was her mom. Im following in thier foot steps! How proud they must be! But hey! I see it like this! My hair is a beautiful red(yes begging rights here) and over the years (younger) I had tried dying it different colors but my hair wont take a bottled color for some reason. I dyed it black once and it come out a plume purple. I think Im the one who started the purple hair phase back in the 80s! I tried bleaching it blonde once and it came out a hot pink...there was no losing me in the night! So, when it is completely void of color, I will have a blank canvas to work with! Hmmmmmm the possiblies! :P

But for now, I just let ppl think the lights are shining on my head! Which thats what it looks like. You cant see any "silver" hairs unless the lights or sun is shining on my head and then, all youll think is that my hair is shiny! I wont stop them from thinking that!! >flips hair<

Heres a peice of advise to all the "young" viewers. When the older ppl say and weve all heard it..." After you hit 30 its all down hill from there" They are NOT talking about how fast life seems to fly by! They are talking about the tricks Mother Nature plays on your body! And oh what a funny little woman she is too!

My feet are a little wide cuz my butt and waist are a little thicker too. My knees hurt if I keep them bent too long in one postion. My hips pop when I crawl out of bed. I sometimes need help getting up from a kneeling postion. I can tell when its going to rain but the pain in my knees (old cross country running injuries- long story)and in my ring finger from an old break. I sometimes feel like the TinMan whose joints need a really good oiling from time to time.And my butt has taken to falling asleep if I sit too long....like being squished between my body and a hard chair isnt entertainting enough for it. Its very strange to get up from the computer and having that feeling that you have something attacted to you that you cant feel! But I should be happy that I dont get pins and needles in my butt cheeks!! Well.....I cant say that! I think I would rather have the feeling of fireworks in my butt cheeks than knowing its there but not feeling it!! Since its track south of the border, just knowing its where it should be is a relief. As I come in to my 32 year on this planet, I have learned something. I now understand why women in their 30s wear tight jeans. Its not to show off their girlish figures! Its to bring the butt back up where it belongs.....its like a bra for your butt cheeks.

My skin isnt as firm as it use to be and there is no "inner glow" of youth unless Im constipated. I thought my complexion was clear until my lovely hubby pointed out a spot on my head (in my hair thank god!). I couldnt see it so I went to the doc over in Jacksonville. It turns out I have my first "age" spot. Whatever that means. I think its just a freakle (yes I spelled it right...its my word for a freaked out freckle.)Im a red head....I have lots of freakles.

I think I will invent a new bra to sleep in so when I rollover onto my side, I dont have to pick up my boob and move it out of the way. Come to think of it, I think since Im in that phase now, Ill invent one to keep them in the front when I lay on my back.I would think "back boobs" would be uncomfy. I do beleive that is coming nextand a girl needs her beauty sleep! ;)

Im looking foward to seeing what my body will come up with next. I told hubby not long ago, that I needed to stay out of the hot sun more because my body is actting like playdough. Its melting in the heat! He then told me that it wasnt the suns fault. I am a rea head so its all my inner heat....I was damned before I was even born!HAHAH!

But all in all, Im not bad off. Im a year older come Thurs (AND NOT A DAY BEFORE!! Dont wish me Happy Birthday until the 13th or Ill stick my freakles and freaking wrinkles on you!);P and I think I will live another year!

Im a year older and Im doing fine!

Last edited: Fri Jul 07, 2006 3:57 pm

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My 4th of July visit

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Thu Jul 06, 2006 3:32 pm

It didnt start off very well.



I left home about 2pm and had to drive to Baton Rogue to pick up my sister. Its about an 45 min drive. You have to drive over a basin bridge to get there...the bridge is about 40 miles long...I think. Its long. It goes over a swamp.

Well, traffic came to a stand still as soon as I hit the bridge. I just sat there with every person in La and Ms it seemed for a good hour and a half. We finally passed a firetruck and one car. The car had barely tapped the side of the bridge.....I was not speaking a pretty language, let me tell you! All of that for one little car with barely a scratch on it!!!! Stupid ppl!!

About a half mile down the bridge we passed another firetruck ,this time a finder bender nothing serious.

But about 5 miles later ,once again we came to a stand still. This time it didnt take so long to move throught. Only an hour. It was a semi truck verses a truck and car. The car was being towed but there were no EMTs so everyone was fine.

Finally I get to where Im going. I grab Dianne and off we go back the way I had just come! We finally find this little town called Krotz Springs. Population 1500, yes that small. Not even a red light or stop sign.

After gettting lost in the many MANY back roads of this place, I finally find the place we are suppose to be.

This house was my verse of paradise!!!! I love animals and have always wanted to live out in the country with lots of trees and critters running around.

They have about 200 Guinese chickens (SP?), about 200 reg chickens, hundreds of rabbits, lots of cats and kittens, two peacocks (yes thats right) and one cross eyed crazy dog that bite me in the face(read on for that little story)

We get there and meet Reeds brother and cousin. His dads in church. It was about 6pm when we finally pulled up. Neither Dianne or I had eatten all day so we were off to find food. We loaded up in my truck with Brian, Reeds brother and headed into town. Everything was shutting down so everyone could go watch the fireworks. But this nice lady made us some Butain balls (SP?)6 balls for three ppl. Not happening!!! So I started drinking some beer.

We get back to the house and meet the father. Very nice man. I couldnt tell you who was more nervious me or him! HAH! But i had been drinking so I was ok.

We are off to the fireworks show. We get there and it looks like the whole town is there ....all 1500, which isnt that many when you see them all together. As soon as Me, Dianne and Brian walked into the park, we were surround.Dianne and I just froze!!! Ppl were coming up to Brian wanting to be introduced to us.....man word spread fast!!!!!!!!!! I leaned over and whispered to Dianne, "When I say go, run like hell and dont stop til you hit the Lafayette line!" We didnt tho. We just held hands.....very tightly held hands until we could get through the crush. Out of 1500 ppl I would say I met about 1200 of them and remember only 5 names....Web, Budro, Jimmy,Crystal and Deun (sp?) and the only reason I remember them is because they were at the bar later! HA!

We get to our sits which were in the front row dead center. I was handed the worse and best hot dog of my life! It was nasty but boy was I hungery!

The fireworks were very nice but Dianne and I spent the whole time swatting away skeeters. One bite me right on my chin and I still have a bump the size of Mt Everest! As soon as the last firework went off, we were ready to go!

Everyone it seemed wanted to talk to us. But I was about 7 beers in and Dianne about a whole 12 pack so it wasnt so bad the second time around.

We finally made it out of there and off to the local bar we went. Pics, beer and shots all around! It was Reeds Dad, brother , me and Dianne and alot of the locals joined us throughout the rest of the night.

I dont remember much after the last shot I did. But its ok...we were all drunk!

I do remember going back to the house and for some reason was sitting on the steps of the porch. The crazy crossed dog came up wanting to be petted so I was petting her and out of the blue, she had my face in her mouth. Scared me to death! I was told she was playing.....ok......I remember getting up off the porch so they could stop the bleeding above my lip and under my chin. Thats the last thing I remember until I woke up in bed the next morning.

What fun. I was just glad to get home.





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My Fourth of July

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Mon Jul 03, 2006 4:52 pm

There is a song here in the States that Im sure all Americans have heard and will hear again tomorrow.But after Sept 11, they stood for something more than just July 4th.

Below I have paste and copyed the lyrics. Its a beautiful song that touches my heart whenever I hear it.


Artist: Lee Greenwood
Title: Proud To Be An American

If tomorrow all the things were gone,
I'd worked for all my life.
And I had to start again,
with just my children and my wife.

I'd thank my lucky stars,
to be livin here today.
' Cause the flag still stands for freedom,
and they can't take that away.

And I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
' Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

From the lakes of Minnesota,
to the hills of Tennessee.
Across the plains of Texas,
From sea to shining sea.

From Detroit down to Houston,
and New York to L.A.
Well there's pride in every American heart,
and its time we stand and say.

That I'm proud to be an American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
' Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.

And I'm proud to be and American,
where at least I know I'm free.
And I wont forget the men who died,
who gave that right to me.

And I gladly stand up,
next to you and defend her still today.
' Cause there ain't no doubt I love this land,
God bless the USA.



Without going in to politics, theres a different reason for me to sing it now.

Im about to share a story near and dear to my familys heart.

It was right before the elections over in Iraq so they cut Diannes (little sister) home leave short. They wanted all soldiers over there for it. Well, the night she got in from Kawuat, she was still on State side time, so she couldnt sleep. She was suppose to go out the next morning at dawn for a patrol mission. She is a combat medic and every team has one. Well, her Sgt. saw her up and moving around in the early hours of the morning and she told him she was still having jet lag. He told her not to go out, that he would take her place so she could get some rest.

Well, her team went out without her and had been sitting on a small hill over looking a empty field when they got a call to help a US humvie with a flat tire. When they change flats, you always do it under guard. So they went to stand guard for them.

They were there for about 10 mins and headed back to the hill. As they went up the hill, they drive over a buried IED (basicly a bomb), killing them all.

Well, when I found out what happened I started researching the men and thier families, esp the Sgt that took her place.

I found a site about one of them where ppl were post things for the family...I posted the following...


"I didnt know Reed but I am forever in his debt. He took my sisters place that day. Dianne Rich was thier medic and he took her place that day becuase she was still jet lagged from her leave. He didnt have to but she said that was just the kind of man he was. He saw her walking around early on the morning he died and told her not to worry about it and for her to get to get some sleep.

If he hadnt done that, he would be alive today and my sister would be gone.
She thought highly of all the men who died that day. She thought of you as her brothers and would have replaced anyone of them if she had known. She is deeply affected by his death and he is forever in my familys heart and thoughts.

My thoughts and prayers are forever with the familes of these brave men."
Denee Schleicher- sister of Dianne Rich of Jacksonville,FL



Well, I get a call yesterday from my little sister. We had made plans not to have plans. We were just going to hang out at her house. Well, she had gone to a overnight birthday party and the next day, ran into her Sgt grandfather. This was the first time they had happen to meet. To make a long story short, it would seem, thathe had read what I had wrote all those months ago and has done so repeatly. He told her he truely wanted to met me. So, tomorrow I go met the family of the man who paid the ultimate price so my sister could sleep.

Last edited: Tue Jul 04, 2006 1:37 pm

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Just remembering my baby Jay Bird

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Wed Jun 28, 2006 3:50 pm

I told the story when I first got here to this site but yesterday, I saw a huge Blue Jay at the feeder and it made me think of Jay. He entered our lives this time last year.....>sigh< I do miss him. Then this morning, I was looking through some pics and found alot of pics of him I had forgotten about. It just made me miss him even more. For those who have never heard the story of my Jay the bluejay or havent heard the whole story, here it is.

We had a nasty storm move through Jacksonville, Fl this time last year. It came up fast and the wind was really kicking everything up.

After the storm passed, I headed out in to the garden to see how everything fared. I happen to look up towards where we had a honey bee hive and there was a baby Bluejay trying to catch bees. He didnt have much in the way of adult feathers. He was trying his hardest to catch a bee....poor guy was hungery.

Well, I turned my back on him to walk towards the street and when I turned back around, he had made a very clumsy flight to the roof of my truck, barely making it. He sat there watching me, squaking...making all kinds of racket. Suddenly, he just flew right at me and landed right in my hand!

He looks at me and made some very pitful noises, so I took him over to a wooden beam we had in the yard. I turned it over and set him on the ground to eat. He watched the bugs but I dont think understood how to do it so I picked up bugs for him to eat.

Well, That night I called the local wildlife center and they told me they couldnt take him BUT wouldnt tell me how to care for him!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!??? They told me to just let him go and let Mother Nature take its course. >snort< Yeah, like I was going to let that happen.

I went to the local pet store and the guy there gave me mealworms and wild bird seed to feed him. He also told me to mix some grits with warm water and finger feed it to him along with the worms and seeds.

So, off I went to learn how to take care of a wild bird. I even had a special call for just him...it sounded nothing like a Bluejays call...more like clicking your tongue against the roof of your mouth. He would answer it or come to me.When I fed him the grits , we were both covered in the sticky stuff. He would then ruffle his feathers and shake like a dog and I would have even more grits on me!!! LOL HE would just look at me and chirp when I told him to not do that. I would have it everywhere! Rob had even found grits in my hair after one very messy feeding! HAHA!

Well,every night he would sleep up in the top of my bedroom closet. As soon as the sun would go down, he would make these cute little cooing noises to let me know he was sleepy and I would take him to bed.I had placed a old sheet up there and made like a nest of sorts. I would hold him up and he would just hop into bed. I would awaken throughout the night hearing him make those cooing noises.

He would wake me up BEFORE the sun came up. After the first couple of mornings, he would just squak very loud just once and stand at the very edge of the top shelf and look at me. All I had to do his hear it once and I was up ,ready to feed him his first meal of the day.

After I would feed him his grits, I would place him next to a shallow dish of water and watch him bath. That was the funniest thing to watch!!!

After his bath, I would put him on my shoulder and walk out side to water the gardens. In the early days he was with us, I put him on the edge of my homemade planter and he would sit there and preen himself in the sun. I spent alot of time outside after he came to be with us. I didnt want him to use to being inside a human home. He would go to Rob too so we made sure he was scared of Rob. If he tried to get to Rob, he would make a very loud noise so Jay would be scared.

Well, after a week or so after coming to our house, I notied he was getting quite a few adult feathers.....I didnt know they grew that fast! So, I took to leaving him outside more and more when I went in. I would hear him calling me when he got hungery.

We had this huge oak tree behind our place and the branches overhung the roof. He would sit up there and call me. When I opened the door and walked outside, he would fly down and land where I could pick up and feed him. As he started learning to fly around, I was feeding him less and less, making him learn to catch his own food.

I had started doing it by placing the mealworms in a old metal baking pan and covering them with a few leaves. I had to point them out to him at first but soon he caught on to the "game" and would move the leaves to find them. After a few days of that, I added more leaves. I then started scattering birdseed around the ground so he would have to find them. He was happier with the mealworms and so I ended up with a bird seed garden! HAHAHA!

He was with us,I think about a month, but it seems longer than that so Im not real sure how long he was with us. Long enough that my neighbors thought I was nuts when I would walk outside and start making noises and a bird would fly to me! LOL One even saw me one morning come out and look up and start making strange noises and saw Jay fly to me! LOL Poor Scott thought he was seeing things until he come over to get a closer look. Word spread around the nieghbors pretty fast after that. I would get smiles and comments when they saw me outside with Jay or calling him. Cuz there towards the end, he would sit in his oak tree and call me but not come down for his feedings until the sun came down. Then all I had to do was open the door and he would fly inside.

Then we had another nasty storm move through and Jay was caught outside. I searched for him for weeks calling him.I was so worried that I couldnt sleep for days. I cried so much during those weeks of not knowing. Poor Rob. He didnt know what to do.I would go outside even at night, to listen for his cooing.

Twice, a grow BlueJay would sit in the oak tree right above the door and call. I would run outside and call back. He never came down so Im not 100% sure it was him. But after that last encounter with the BlueJay, there was no doubt it was him. I was outside working in the yard and a large BlueJay came and landed on the little tree next to our gate and called. I watched him and started talking to him. HE then jumped off the tree and hopped along the fence towards me. When I tried to get closer he flew off but spent the day around my yard ,calling whenever I came out or whenever I called to him.

That was the last time I ever saw him. We moved from Jacksonville at the end of Jan so I dont know if he went back come spring. It makes me sad to think that he went back ,calling me and I wasnt there to answer.

Heres some pics of him I took during his time with us.

This was just a few days after he found us. He was a ham for the camera! HAHA! He would strick a pose whenever he would see it. I had set him down to preen after his bath and was going to take pics of my Glads (in the background) and decided to take a pic of him.



Here his first lesson in catching mealworms. I didnt give him any grits for the first time and was trying to coach him into to picking them up. It didnt work too well. Unless I fed him, he would just watch them move around. Youll notice too that he was really starting to look like a BlueJay in these pics. His "mask" was getting darker and his top feathers were turning bluer. Sorry for the bad pics.





These were taken the same week he was caught in the storm and left. You can see he looks like a little BlueJay here. He was sitting in his little tree next to the gate calling me cuz he was hungery. I was purposely skipping his feeds tryng to force him into finding his own food. That day was a big day for him. I watched him catch a fly bug in mid flight! He just flew down from the oak tree and caught the bug as he flew by. I was so proud! I think he was too because he started hopping around ,making little clucking noises! LOL



Thats the story of my little Jay Bird. I so miss him!

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Blackwater

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:11 pm

Yesterday Dianne found out she was accepted into Blackwater. Being as she wont go without Rob and Blackwater does, from what I gather, accept the buddy system, I have a constant knot in my chest now.

What can I say or do to stop this without breaking my promise? Do I try to stop this?

Ive been reading the news online and things seem to be rapidly getting worse since they killed Al-Zawkowi (whatever his name was) and the new guy took over. I really shouldnt be watching the news, I know but I cant seem to help it.

I just wish Rob would get back and end this once and for all. The not knowing is killing me. But at the same time, I dont want to know. That will bring even more emotions to the surface.

Im restless. I cant do one thing for too long. Nothing is keeping my attention. Not my painting or gardening. If you knew me well, you would know, if those two things cant take my mind off things , then its bad. I have been fighting a headache since my sister told me. Shes happy. So I say nothing.

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