Blackwater

Category: Pinkies LIfe | Posted: Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:11 pm

Yesterday Dianne found out she was accepted into Blackwater. Being as she wont go without Rob and Blackwater does, from what I gather, accept the buddy system, I have a constant knot in my chest now.

What can I say or do to stop this without breaking my promise? Do I try to stop this?

Ive been reading the news online and things seem to be rapidly getting worse since they killed Al-Zawkowi (whatever his name was) and the new guy took over. I really shouldnt be watching the news, I know but I cant seem to help it.

I just wish Rob would get back and end this once and for all. The not knowing is killing me. But at the same time, I dont want to know. That will bring even more emotions to the surface.

Im restless. I cant do one thing for too long. Nothing is keeping my attention. Not my painting or gardening. If you knew me well, you would know, if those two things cant take my mind off things , then its bad. I have been fighting a headache since my sister told me. Shes happy. So I say nothing.

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glendann wrote on Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:22 pm:

I would be doing my best to talk him out of it promise are not.This is different a
different situation than a regular career.Your life is involved in it too.I would also have a talk with my sister about it too.I would not sit by and watch this go down and not say what I think .I would have my say because you are involved in it.Then they can't say you didn't seem to care.

eileen wrote on Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:48 pm:

Exactly my thoughts. You MUST all talk it out together before it's too late. YOU have got to voice you opinion Denee and let them know just how you feel. Don't bottle it up inside yourself and let things go ahead - please!!!

Let us know asap how things are going won't you?

BIG HUGS.

Pinkiered wrote on Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:50 pm:

Oh Ive put more than my share of my two cent in, trust me, when they told me about it. But a freind of mine said, when I talked to him,no matter how loud I yell or stress my points, they know in the end, Ill support them in the end. And its true.

After everything Ive said , I dont know what more I can do to stop this or in the end, if I should. Theres just too much involved.

Do I tell my sister in the end, she doesnt need the money that bad? What about her wanting to be a doctor? We come from a poor family and at the moment everyone is struggling to survive as it is. We cant put her through school and pay her bills too. And how do I tell her she has to fight even harder for her future?

And what about Rob? How do I tell him, he cant have his life long dream of starting his own business?

Theres just too much involved. I wish I wasnt the only one in the family who knew, ya know? It would make this so much easier.

Pinkiered wrote on Sun Jun 25, 2006 5:59 pm:

I know if I say the words, Dont go, they wont. They have plans for that money. How can I be so selfish as to utter those words and take that from them? I dont think I can.

Let me say, I dont think Im strong enough to say it. Im tore between what I want and what they want. In the end, thats what all this is about.

Whose wants and needs are more important.

What is selfish and what isnt? Yeah we could say, that for them to go over there for money is selfish on thier part. But we can also say, wanting them to stay here and keep struggling is selfish on our part.

Sorry everyone. But this is the emotions and thoughts going round and round in my head.

glendann wrote on Mon Jun 26, 2006 2:47 pm:

Pinkiered ,I too come from a very poor family .I to had big dreams that never came true.I never got the education to carry this out.I have never blamed anyone .I loved my family to much to put them through to worry .My biggest was to be a Marine .Which was just that, a dream .I do hope things work out for the best .I pray for you and yours and that they come to relize what kind of delama you are in .This money is needed but what good will it do them if they don't return home.I do feel your pain and I would voice this even if it doesn't help in the long run.God be with you.

jubabe296 wrote on Tue Jun 27, 2006 3:57 am:

Denee I agree with Glendann and Eileen you need to let your feelings be known too. It's not that you won't be supporting your husband, you will be protecting him!! I know it is soooo easy for all of us to just say oh just say what you feel, but Denee honey it is your life too!! And as badly as you miss your husband while he is away a couple of weeks I can't even imagine you being able to cope with him being gone for even longer!!! Maybe when he gets home you can sit home down and explain it all to him, if he loves you as much as I feel he does he will understand how you feel and he won't hold it against you!! A marriage is working together not apart!! Good luck with everything and remember we are all here for you hun!!!